Man, was that a crazy week, or what? Blowouts! Ties! Concussions! Herculean displays of strength!
We must begin by talking about Matt, whose team has recovered faster than Adrian Peterson’s knee ligaments, and can currently accelerate faster than Chris Johnson. We use those similes advisedly; those two are the reason he’s about to get his sixth straight win, and the reason he is feeling himself ferreal these days:
We abide Matt’s silliness because he’s winning. Just don’t ask us to emphathize with folks who aren’t doing so well. Poor Jenn’s early season prowess is pretty much gone — teams have really begun dog-piling on MoJo, Eli Manning is in typical November form, her Pittsburgh skill players are slogging more than soaring, etc. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s just that we care, like, this much:
This, unfortunately, is where things are at in the Fontasie. Even with a lot up for grabs! The playoffs are closer than ever, and the competition for spots is going to heat up in a hurry. Every mistake takes on serious significance. Especially Jake, who was going against his brother Hank this week, and who would surely have beaten his brother Hank had he remembered that RG III was on a bye this week.
This does not put Jake in the worst company. At this point, pretty much all of us have forgotten to swap guys out or update our rosters at least once. Sean has forgotten more than once (well, a lot more than once), but he actually had a winning record on those weeks, thanks to the sheer nastiness of his roster. This week, however, pretty much everybody in his starting lineup was on a bye, and so while both Sean and Jake made a mistake, its effect on Sean was more dramatic.
As of this writing, the Keith/Dan tilt hangs in the balance. There are a lot of possibilities in the air – Shaun Suisham could go on a FG frenzy, Mike Wallace could gun through the KC secondary – but whatever happens, the rest of the league is going to respond like this:
(lookit all the fucks I give)
*All numbers approximate.