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BATTLE OF THE BIEBER: USA-Canada Men’s Hockey Semifinal Video Highlights

In what is being hailed as “The biggest game not involving Peyton Manning or Tom Brady,” God’s gift to humanity The United States of America, takes on the cold-version of the island of misfit toys, Canada, for a chance to play Finland in the Bronze medal game, Saturday. That’s right — Bronze is so hot right now. No one wins Gold anymore (that’s so Torino).

Here are your starting lines…

Northern Michigan:


14:05 1st Period — Joe Pavelsky wrist shot saved by Carrie Price (the goalie, not the girl you went to Prom with).

9:00 1st Period — 2:00 penalty on Ryan Suter, Canada cannot capitalize.

4:00 1st Period — Canada called for holding (Patrick Marleau), 2:00 penalty now for the U.S.

18:20 2nd Period — Jay Bouwmeester scores on a point-blank one-timer like a total pussy. Canada up 1-0. (Assists: Jamie Benn and Ryan Getzlaf)


15:23 3rd Period — 2:00 slashing penalty on Chris Kunitz, U.S. gets third PP. Canada resorting to violence.

Canada scores again, disallowed as refs rule it “Wack as fuck”:

9:56 3rd Period — U.S. gets slapped with a 2:00 (hooking, Phil Kessel, kills it thanks to a diving block by old-timey Boston cop, Ryan Callahan. Kessel knows it was a terrible call.

Some point in the game: This

FINAL SCORE: Canada 1 – America 0

Hello Beiber! Welcome to your new home. North Dakota, you take him first…

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