11:20 am, August 22nd, 2013
Mental Floss just came out with a
fantastic list of 25 rejected team sports names. The truly fantastic list is truly fantastic, and you should read it. We figured we’d take their excellent work a tiny bit further, though, and present you with the five worst. And make fun of them. They’re bad. Enjoy.
1.Honoroable Mention: Arizona Phoenix
If it was the Arizona, Pheonix (note the comma), I'd be all for it. It isn't, so it's stupid. Too clever for its own good, but not clever enough to get away with it.
2.5. Minnesota Blue Ox
Seems cool at first glance. Then you think of the logistics. There's no way anyone is using this name regularly.
Hey Jimmy, are you watching the Blue Ox game tonight?
I was gonna, but I don't know how to cheer for them, because their name is so damn awkward. When I get angry at them, it sounds weird to say, "fucking blue ox." Do I say oxen? I'm confused.
OK, let's just make pizza bagels instead.
Now, that would be a great name! The Minnesota Pizza Bagels!
3.4. Colorado Extreme
So fucking dumb.
4.3. San Jose Rubber Puckies
Are you fucking kidding me?
(Oh, wait. It rhymes with rubber duckies! It's a play on words. Hilarious! Maybe this should be on the "best names" list!)
(Seriously... who the fuck came up with this shit?)
5.2. Miami Beaches
There is no way LeBron would have taken his talents to South Beach to play with the Miami Beaches. Nobody would take their talents to a team named "the Beaches." The beaches would consist of a bunch of washed-up bitches.
6.1. Oakland Senors
Apparently the GM said “We don’t have the accent mark for the n in our headline type.”
Cool story, asshole. It would still be a dumb name
with an accent (the Oakland Misters? Sirs?), and the word is spelled, "señores," you uncultured fuck.
read them all. They’re awesome.
Photos via Neon sign, Vimeo, ESPN, Celebrity Net Worth, Deccan Chronicle, NHL.com