Weird But True

Have You Ever Been At Your All-Dude Yoga Class And Thought “Man, This Would Be So Much Better If We Were All Naked?”

Guys: Have you ever wished that your weekly yoga practice came with fewer girls and more nudity? Do you also happen to live in or adjacent to Park Slope in Brooklyn, the neighborhood where dreams come true? Because there is a studio so magical its location cannot be disclosed (for real — you have to email them at “location AT nakedspace DOT org”) where men can come together to practice some yoga. Naked. Finally! A space where dudes can feel totally comfortable! With their junk out!

It’s actually a little surprising that something like this doesn’t exist already (particularly in Park Slope, land of bars that will serve you a glass of Santorum), but Naked Space’s website confirms it: they offer a “monthly unclothed practice of meditation, yoga and massage in solo and partnered configurations. All are welcome.” If by “all,” you mean “anyone with a wang.” (I am a girl, so I am not welcome. Even if I was, I would not go.)

Fucked In Park Slope sums up their concerns thusly:

“Guys are doing yoga in order to throw well-established social mores out the fucking window. This is all under the guise of some sort of safe-space shedding, inhibitions-freeing, self-discovery twinkle ding-dong chaka khan kundalini blah, blah, fucking blah talk. It makes my head hurt just to read about it.”

I’m sure that whoever is behind Naked Space (aaah, just the name alone!) has only the best intentions, but there’s something yucky about going through their website and seeing photo after photo of naked yogis, faces blurred, posing in front of windows and on mats and climbing stairs (?). We can all picture what naked yoga is going to look like in our mind’s eye. Do we really need the visual aids? Clicking through the site’s pages (“Yoga,” “Practice,” “Bodywork,”) is the visual equivalent of listening to an old dude with a gray ponytail and Tevas talk to you about sex. It’s yoga, for crying out loud — must everything be “sensual, collaborative, [and] intimate?” Can’t I devote one hour a week to work on my breathing, posture and flexibility alone, without getting “intimate” with a bunch of strangers? Oh, that’s right, I can, because I’m not allowed to attend any of these sensual naked yoga seshes.

It should be noted, however, that there is definitely at least one naked lady at Naked Space. I know this because her picture appears several times on the site, over selections from Walt Whitman’s “I Sing The Body Electric” (I know), and at one point there’s a picture of her lying naked, face down, while being massaged by three other naked dudes? There might be less relaxing things in this world, but I can’t think of a single one right now. Yikes!

[Photo via Shutterstock.]