Weird But True

How Many Female Olympians Will Michael Phelps Sleep With, And Other Questions I Have About The “College-Style” Olympic Dorms

With the Olympics set to begin later this month, MSNBC is reporting the world’s top athletes will be staying in dormitory-like rooms in Olympic Village. Not quite what you’d imagine the world’s best to be staying in.

But the rooms, which were built in London’s $1.5 billion Olympic Village, are said to be much like college dorms (some of them even without bathrooms!).

Per MSNBC:

The verdict? Apartments are light and airy but far from luxurious: Only some have en-suite bathrooms, even fewer have balconies and there are no kitchens as all cooking will be done in a 24-hour cafeteria that seats 5,000.

In shared sleeping spaces, beds are close together and most furniture is of the functional, self-assembly variety. (Spare a thought for workers who had to put together more than 9,000 cabinets and wardrobes.) Mattresses were chosen by a committee of athletes but are built for function rather than indulgence.

Ah. COZY. In any event, we’ve got a few questions we’d like to ask about these living arrangements…

- How many female athletes will Michael Phelps have sex with?
- Will floors be co-ed (ties into the prior question)?
- Will there be RA’s (resident assistants) monitoring the activity?
- Will there be floor events for the Olympians?
- Will the use of electronic devices such as microwaves and coffee makers be permitted?
- Can you sneak in a Foreman Grill?
- Do you have to sign in guests?
- Will there be fire drills?
- If you do not like your roommate, are you allowed to switch rooms?
- What if he’s really, really weird?
- Seriously: How many girls will Michael Phelps sleep with? (keep in mind, this is a person who once told someone he was “majoring in pussy.”)
- How many washers and dryers are in the building.
- Will there be a curfew?
- Will there be designated quiet hours?
- What is the policy concerning alcohol?
- Okay, that’s the official policy, but, like: what’s the realllll policy?
- What will be the punishment for violating village rules?
- Will there be a chief elected?
- Is there a limit on shower time?
- Will there be passive-aggressive signs discouraging masturbation in said showers?

[Via MSNBC]

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