Look, Bryan Bullington may pitch for the Hiroshima Toyo Carp, but he’s from Indiana. And in this country, we signal to the plate umpire for a time out — not the pitcher. Let this be a lesson to you.

The Saint Paul Saints, the American Association baseball team that once gave out Sen.Larry Craig bobblefoot dolls after Craig allegedly solicited sex in an airport, is holding an “Umpireless Game” on May 11. Instead of umpires, the Saints and Gary SouthShore Railcats will play the game with a judge behind home plate, and some calls will be decided by a jury made up of Little Leaguers.

I see no way this can end badly.

Danny Cipriani kept his humor, and apparently all of his body parts, after being hit by a bus in Leeds, England on Wednesday. The English rugby player is out of the hospital and actually may play next week.

Getting paid to test water slides all summer is a job I invented in my head when I was 12, but I never thought it could be a real thing. Meet Seb Smith. That lucky, lucky bastard.

Ulysses never encountered anything like this: but then, he never steered his ship down the Hudson River. The Marist men’s crew team encountered this giant Styrofoam head during practice this morning, and got the hell out of the water before the giant penis showed up.