Brazil Begins Olympic Torch Relay By Murdering One Of Its Mascots
The 2016 Olympic Torch Relay began back in April in Greece, home of all-male naked wrestling and birthplace of The Games. It was handed over to Brazil on May 3 to begin an 83-city, 95-day tour of cities and towns in that country before ending up in Rio de Janiero.
And since this is Brazil, what could possibly go wrong?
On Sunday the torch was in the jungle city of Manaus, where there were a couple of 2014 World Cup Games in 2014, despite the the only method of getting there was boat, or Indiana Jones bi-plane. City motto: "Oh don't worry, that's just my pet snake, Reggie."
The official mascot of the Amazon Military Command is the jaguar, which is an endangered species in the Americas so of course the AMC captures a few of them while on patrol. And a couple of military Jaguars were there for the torch lighting ceremony, where one runner lights the torch of the next one to continue the relay.
Problem: as the soldiers were returning one of the jaguars to its cage following the ceremony, the big cat made a break for freedom. Wouldn't you? And despite the jaguars being known to be relatively docile, the soldiers killed it when it got close to another soldier.
Soldiers first tried to sedate the cat, named Juma, with a tranquilizer gun. But they kept missing (naturally), and so shot it with real bullets.
It's another inspiring screwup in a nation that can't seem to shoot straight with anything regarding Olympic preparation. Also this past weekend a gunman has been photographed pointing a rifle at motorists on Rio's Red Line, the highway that will be used by all athletes and tourists to get to Olympic venues.
So far he has not been caught, and we're surmising that authorities will just wait until the potential shooter either gets the Zika virus, is poisoned by the water at the Olympic boating venues, or is killed during a protest riot. If he's lucky he'll only be robbed at gunpoint.
At any rate, I can think of no worse example of Olympic malfeasance than for this magnificent, endangered creature to be senselessly slaughtered because of a stupid torch ceremony. Brazil, as far as the Olympics are concerned your country is a shithole. And anyone who travels there this summer is pretty stupid.
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