Spoiler-Filled Game Of Thrones Review, Ep. 2: The Pie That Was Promised
What we've learned so far:
1. Hot Pie makes his long-awaited return and of course CHANGES THE ENTIRE TRAJECTORY OF THE SHOW.
2. They had to demote a couple of queens (Yara Greyjoy and Ellaria Sand) to make room for a new one (Nymeria, Arya's wolf). It was a good tradeoff.
3. Say what you will about Euron Greyjoy, but he has perfect teeth.
4. As a torturer, Ramsay Bolton had nothing on Sam Tarly.
5. Did someone say torture? Yep, Reek is back!
There are a lot of things that can kill you in Westeros: it's like Australia with dragons. That's why the character of Hot Pie is so important, and worthy of a call-back in Season 7. His story is all of our stories in a way, and is what every character in the show is really striving for.
Because what is life, really? We all just want to pursue our passions, have a comfortable, stable home life and be recognized for the things we do well. Hot Pie has all that. Plus, Inn customers tend to bring with them all the latest news -- during their reunion it's Hot Pie who tells Arya that Jon Snow has re-taken Winterfell, and is the new King of the North.
— Callie R (@callielinux) July 24, 2017
Now Arya, who was headed for King's Landing bent on revenge, has changed her plans and is bound for Winterfell for another tearful reunion. And when Bran arrives (as I'm confident he will), it will be the first time four Stark children will have been together since Season One.
We can learn a lot from Hot Pie. Don't neglect the gravy, take your time making the crust, and sometimes if you stay in one place, the world will come to you.
However, Episode 2's MVP Is Clearly ...
So deep in the woods, on her way to Winterfell, Arya is surrounded by a pack of wolves -- a girl would be a tasty snack. But the wolf leader turns out to be Nymeria, the direwolf that Arya set free in Season One so that Cersei wouldn't kill it for biting Joffrey.
So the wolves stand down, and Arya tries to convince Nymeria to come with her -- like Elliott wanting E.T. to live with him in the suburbs at the end of that movie. But Nymeria has a good thing going out in the forest -- she's quite literally the top dog, living the dream. So when Nymeria turns to leave, Arya says "No, that's not you." And that echoes something she said to her father in Season One, when Ned Stark said that he wanted her to be a lady, and Arya replied "That's not me."
— Gonzii (@El_Gonzie55) July 24, 2017
66% Of The Sand Snakes Are Now Gone And I Feel Nothing
So after a pitched battle at sea in which Euron Greyjoy somehow found Yara Greyjoy's fleet in the dark, he has captured both Yara and Ellaria Sand and will present them as gifts to Cersei. Thus, I presume, we have the title of Episode 3: The Queen's Justice.
Although there are so many freaking queens on this show it's hard to know for certain.
Two of Ellaria's three daughters died in the fighting, leaving Tyene and her mother to face Cersei -- and most likely The Mountain -- as captives. That may delight Cersei but it leaves me flat -- these are the most expendable recurring characters in the show. They had no backstory and no clear motivation and, besides Indira Varma as Ellaria (see: Rome), no acting ability.
Even in the books the Dorn chapters were a drag, and ultimately skipable. I'd rather watch 30 minutes of that courtyard artist painting the Westeros relief map than one more minute of Sand Snakes.
And please, no more torture sequences. We already know that Cersei is evil. We know Ellaria poisoned Myrcella Lannister. You've only got seven episodes this season, let's fast-forward through all of that.
When sailing from Mereen (Slaver's Bay) to Dragonstone, isn't Dorn right on the way? You'd have to be an experienced navigator to avoid hitting it. So why sail to Dragonstone, then sail back to Dorn for Ellaria to marshal the army? Why not drop her off on the way? It's a bit of contrivance that allowed Euron Greyjoy to separate Yara and Ellaria from the pack and capture them, and it makes no sense. When attacking the Italian Peninsula, every army since the beginning of time has started in Sicily -- you don't start in Rome.
There have been many gaping plot holes like this one above since the HBO show outdistanced the books, but I've ignored most of them because this is a world, after all, where Winter can impossibly last several years, and trees have faces. But one plot blunder I can't ignore: why do Jon Snow and Sansa keep bickering in front of the Northern Lords? Agree on a narrative before you go into the room, guys. This is no way to conduct a meeting.
Writers are ignoring the coolest thing that could ever happen on this show, and this idea just could solve the White Walker problem and win me an Emmy. Bring ships to Valyria and load them with Stone Men. Bring your new Stone Man Army to The Wall. What you have then is Stone Men vs. Wights, and ... so long, CGI budget!
— Game Of Thrones (@GameOfThrones) July 25, 2017
Next Week: Episode 3, The Queen's Justice. See you then.
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