Ongoing List Of Jobs Mike Francesa Should Consider After He’s Done With Radio
Fox Sports 1's Katie Nolan got a chance to sit down with sports talk radio overlord and professional Long Island stereotype Mike Francesa to discuss, well, probably whatever the hell Mike wanted to talk about. He's not exactly one to let others dictate the direction of a conversation. Luckily for her, she landed quite the scoop: Mike revealed that he plans to step away from his current weekday gig in 2017, meaning we have less than a year to bid farewell to the man who shaped the sports media landscape like a giant, frozen Diet Coke glacier.
[Michael Kay opens penthouse window, takes deep breath, bluebird lands on his shoulder]
"I'm not saying I'm leaving the business," Francesa told Nolan on her "Garbage Time" podcast. "I'm leaving Monday to Friday, five-and-a-half hours, FAN -- I'm bringing the curtain down on that part of the show."
Below are a few new professions he might want to consider after leaving his post as "Sports Pope."
13) Gawbudge man.
"This is filthy. Unbuleeveabull."
12) Defensive meteorologist.
"It's gonna snow." [Two days later] "I never said it was gonna snow."
"This varietal has distinctly effervescent quality, bubbly, black, sweet aftertaste and markedly fewer calories than regular Coke."
10) Graveyard shift security guard at The Museum of Natural History.
9) Private investigator.
"I got a buncha good stuff eavesdropping on your husband's phone calls, then he started talkin' about reguluh season hawkey and it's January so I stopped listening."
8) Women's shoe salesman.
"Seven? You kidding me? That size is retired. What do you know about Mickey Mantle?"
7) Lead singer of Taylor Swift cover band.
"Shake it up, shake, shake, shake it up...see? I know it becaws I have a nine-year-old dawtuh. We'll be right back."
6) Stand-up comic.
5) Grief counselor
"You're nawt really cryin' ova this I hope, geez." [Takes patient to Mets Postseason game]
4) Snowblower review columnist for Consumer Reports
"I love this snowblower. It's uh great, great snowblower. I don't know what the make is, but it's uh great machine."
3) Broadway stage manager
"Put the lights on!"
2) Dusty old prospector
[See "I found gold!" laugh below]
1) 9-1-1 operator
"Calm down ma'am. You say you need uh ambulance? Hold awn...lemme see...ok...hmmm...can't find it. Let's go to Tony in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania."
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