Al Qaeda Member Says LeBron Is “A Very Bad Man,” By Way Of Guantánamo Bay Letter

  • Matt Rudnitsky

Muhammed Rahim — a former bin Laden translator imprisoned at Guantánamo Bay — is a very bad man. A very bad man who believes in justice.

He wrote his attorney to complain that one of his fellow prisoners got a pet cat for cooperating. He cooperated too, so where’s his pet cat? What cooperating guy-who-worked-with-a-terrorist doesn’t deserve a fluffy friend to keep him company? It’s only fair!

As upset as Rahim was about the no-cat decision, though, he also just couldn’t help but weigh in on the injustice of a different decision: LeBron’s The Decision. When you’re imprisoned, mulling over where you’ve gone wrong in life, you obviously think of repentance and apology. People need to be accountable for their mistakes. And obviously, the most pressing apology that needs to be made is by LeBron James, right? I mean, nothing else comes to mind.

In a declassified letter (date uncertain), Rahim tells his Akron, Ohio, native attorney that he’s pissed about NBA star LeBron James’s callous departure to Miami. “Dear Mr. Warner!” Rahim wrote. “Lebron James is very bad man. He should apologise to the city of Cleveland.”

James did apologize to Cleveland in May 2011. Rahim operates by an awfully bizarre code of conduct.

Apparently, they don’t get Twitter in Guantanamo. If they did, Rahim would know that the aforementioned LeBron apology had already taken place. He’d also know that (some) people have started to forget about the whole Decision thing, and are moving forward with their lives. He’d also know that there’s a new clubhouse leader for misplaced basketball hatred, and that any future “bad man” letters should be directed towards a very tall man who just got traded to the Lakers.

[h/t Andrew Kaczynski]