After more than a month-long break from sports-talk-radioing, Colin Cowherd has returned to the airwaves a changed man, eager to let you know why he left ESPN. He’s got a darker head of hair, a beautiful new co-host, a cool California-vibe and a fresh perspective on happiness, which he outlined at the start of his show on Tuesday.
The Tao of Cowherd, if you will.
“So in January, I was in Connecticut on a couch with my wife and we poured a glass of pinot,” he began, because it’s important to let people know you’re the kind of person who prefaces a personal transformation story by specifying the type of wine you were drinking when you decided to fight back against the suburban ennui.
Rage, Colin. Rage against the dying of the light.
“She asked me a really interesting question, ‘At this moment, as the snow was piling up,’ — I didn’t see my lawn for four months — she said, ‘From now until you’re dead, are you living where you want to live and are you doing what you want to do?’ No and no. And so late that afternoon, we got on the internet and booked flights to L.A. We were going to change our lives. Simple as that.”
Snow, ladies and gentlemen. His hatred of snow has lead him to his new home. (Note the subtle lack of any mention as to why ESPN booted him prematurely.)
“Yes, I’ve monkey’d around with my hair, I don’t care — it’s mine,” he added. “I’m starting over.”
Cool. So does this mean you’re going to give your whole John Wall-is-a-thug take another look? (Probably not.) Or Dominicans? (Probably not.) Or using pseudo science and janky statistics to justify generalizations about which groups of people are inherently less capable than white men? We’re excited to see you revisit some of your greatest hits with this newfound zest for life. Who knows, we might even see some empathy peppered in there.