ESPN Wants To Ruin Your Weekend, Expands First Take To Saturday

  • Dylan Murphy

We wouldn’t kid about these things because we care about you. Apparently five days of ESPN’s First Take just isn’t quite enough, so the show will be expanding to six days a week with the inclusion of Saturdays (8:00 a.m. – 10:00 a.m.). Rob Parker will be the primary debater, with Cari Champion hosting and a slew of to-be-named-later co-hosts yapping their holier-than-thou heads off.

The projected start date for this abomination is December 8th, which also happens to be my birthday, which also happens to be a horribly unfortunate coincidence.

Parker initially announced the news on his Facebook page (we have two mutual friends!), and the folks over at Awful Announcing nabbed a screenshot:

He also apparently tweeted the news, though the tweet appears to now be deleted.

He did, however, send this second, boldfaced lie of a tweet:

As Awful Announcing also noted, most adults won’t be subjected to the useless drivel because Saturday mornings from 8:00 a.m. – 10:00 a.m. are filled with sleep and no First Take and sleep, so we suspect ESPN may be targeting small children. No more cartoons for you, fragile and uncorrupted minds of the future. You need to learn why advanced (not actually that advanced) baseball metric stats are MADE BY DEVIL NERDS.

At the very least, Stephen. A Smith and Skip Bayless have weekends off, so there’s that. Because everyone knows Stephen A. Smith can’t quite keep it clean all the time. It’s all about the children, right?

[Awful Announcing]