For Anyone Who Ever Wanted To See Carmelo Anthony Get Punched In The Nards

  • Jordan Rabinowitz

At the end of the third quarter of Team USA’s eventual 126-97 win over Argentina, Carmelo Anthony launched a three. That part is pretty routine. But little did he know, in mid-air he was going to be clotheslined in his [insert your favorite penis euphemism here] by the youngest member on Argentina’s squad, 21-year-old Facundo Campazzo. Watch Coach K and the Americans come to the defense of Carmelo Anthony and his genitals.

A few interesting points to note here. First, I’m wondering how it took this long into the Olympics for an American basketball player to get punched in the balls at all. I would have expected it to happen five minutes into their first game, but I guess Argentina felt this game slipping away from them and Campazzo thought it was a good time to do the deed.

Second, notice that Carmelo actually made the shot. Impressive, considering it’s hard for the average guy to do anything after getting knocked in the groin but writhe in pain and curse at everything that has ever existed.

Third, announcers Bob Fitzgerald and Doug Collins seem to have thought Carmelo was punched in the stomach. Come on guys, a man doesn’t become as incapacitated as that from a blow to the gut, let alone a professional basketball player. It takes real pain to knock a guy like Carmelo Anthony off his feet.

But not to worry, Knicks fans. By the gleeful look on Tyson Chandler’s face and Melo’s ability to get to his feet and shake it off after a few deep breaths, you can exhale. So can you, Lala Vasquez.