Quick! Emergency Rodman Deployment To North Korea Before It’s Too Late!

  • Glenn Davis

So those pipe dreams about maybe Dennis Rodman’s North Korea trip paving the way for a new era of relations between the DPRK and the U.S.? Uhh…

From the story:

North Korea’s leader approved a plan to prepare standby rockets to hit U.S. targets, state media said Friday, after American stealth bombers carried out a practice mission over South Korea.

In a meeting with military leaders early Friday, Kim Jong Un “said he has judged the time has come to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists in view of the prevailing situation,” the state-run KCNA news agency reported.


Kim’s regime has unleashed a torrent of threats in the past few weeks, and U.S. officials have said they’re concerned about the recent rhetoric.

“I think their very provocative actions and belligerent tone, it has ratcheted up the danger, and we have to understand that reality,” Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel said Thursday at a news briefing.

You know, as tempting as it is to call Rodman Diplomacy a failure in the wake of these sorts of statements, it wasn’t long ago that the same Kim Jong Un who’s now talking about “settling accounts” looked like this in the company of an American:

And that leads us to believe: the best course of action now? Just send Rodman back. Will Rodman want to go back? Hell yes, he’ll want to go back and see his friend for life. Don’t take our word for it, take the word of this person who was on the trip with Rodman:

Rodman had a really good time – he even tossed his plane ticket away at the airport on March 1st, and threw a tantrum about wanting to stay longer. Eventually, we persuaded him. He will definitely return to North Korea as Kim Jong-un’s friend.

In other words, you know all those smart alecks who were like “Cool, maybe we can leave him there!” when they heard Rodman was in North Korea? Well, if Rodman can keep that smile on Kim Jong Un’s face, doing just that actually may be the smart move for the sake of geopolitical stability. And if that fails, we can just try adopting Wyatt Cenac’s strategy:

“The smartest thing would be for the president to disperse the ’92-’93 Chicago Bulls in a couple of our major cities. Put Jordan in D.C., Pippen in New York, B.J. Armstrong in Los Angeles, Horace Grant in Austin… if your intention is to blow up Manhattan, are you okay having Scottie Pippen’s blood on your hands, Kim Jong Un?”

America has been blessed with the valuable natural resource of championship-winning Chicago Bulls players. It just might be that the time has come to use our strategic reserves.