Colin Cowherd’s new Fox Sports 1 show promises to be exactly what you’d expect from a Fox-version of “The Herd”: the same thing as his ESPN show plus more hair dye and a beautiful blonde co-host. Strangely enough, the internet was aflutter with news of Cowherd’s younger-looking head, which he debuted on Fox Sports 1’s coverage of last Thursday’s Michigan-Utah season opener — as opposed to focusing on the fact that he now has a smoking hot new sidekick named Kristine Leahy.
We guess it’s just more fun to make fun of Colin Cowherd than it is to gaze upon a beautiful woman. You hear that, Colin? Breaking your balls is THAT compelling.
Colin Cowherd looks like he got Jerry Seinfeld’s bad haircut. pic.twitter.com/0aYf4Qj8mV
— Jason Krump (@JasonKrump) September 4, 2015
The reasons for Cowherd’s darkening are obvious: he’s trying to pivot his brand after a messy departure from ESPN. But OUR reasons for the new look are far more interesting. Here are 8 off the top of our heads…
8) Has a lucrative new sponsorship with “Just For Men Who Don’t Realize Why They Offend Everyone” hair coloring products.
7) Is repackaging himself as a sex symbol for women who like guys going through a midlife crisis.
6) Doesn’t want people confusing him for that guy who said all those mean things about Dominicans.
5) Looking to reinvigorate public image with that slutty tax-attorney doo.
4) Deal with Fox included age-reversing black magic potion procured from mysterious portal at center of Earth.
3) Was cheaper than buying a Mazda Miata.
2) Just realized not everything is better when it’s “mostly white.”
1) Going for that spry, young racist-look.
As for his new co-host, she’s undeniably awesome, which should balance out Cowherd’s distinctly Jefferson D’Arcy-quality (10 points to Gryffindor for “Married With Children” burn). She’s hosted “American Ninja Warrior,” lists “rap” as one of her interests on Twitter and has not once condemned John Wall’s soul for dancing before a basketball game. No complaints there.
Oh, and did we mention she’s a very loving-looking human being?
— Colin Cowherd (@ColinCowherd) September 4, 2015
Cowherd’s new show airs at 9 a.m. PST on Sept. 8.