MONDAY PICK-ME-UP: Watch This Rat Drag Entire Slice Through NYC Subway
Every once in a while, there is a trending topic on the internet that is just plain worth it, and #PizzaRat is one of them.
Some lucky son of a bitch in the hellscape that is the NYC subway caught one of the city's infamous rats dragging a monster slice of thin crust down the stairs in an attempt to dine like a sewer-dwelling king, and did their job as an American citizen by catching it on video.
I dare you to try to say that didn't make your whole day.
Pizza Rat has quickly become a symbol of national pride, and is certainly much more worthy of representing New York City than Donald Trump. We know for a fact that Trump is the kind of dude that eats pizza with a fork (!!!), and all non-New Yorkers got a crash course in that kind of blasphemy from one of our political comedy forefathers.
Pizza Rat would never betray the fabric of the city in that way. In fact, he has already introduced himself to the world in a piece in The New Yorker and included a detailed description of his NYC pizza preferences near his home "behind the Papaya Dog on Fourteenth."
"Everyone knows my neighborhood has the highest concentration of decent food in this city... I came here for the pizza" he explained. "...Looking south from Fourteenth, you have Vinny Vincenz on your right. Vinny’s is unbeatable in every way, from the tin walls to the hand-painted wooden sign. Also, they serve beer, which means increased potential for dropped slices. To your left, there’s Joey Pepperoni. It’s a real budget joint: dollar slices, combos with soda, that kinda thing.
If you have the cojones to cross Thirteenth Street, you’ll be rewarded with Luzzo’s and Papa John’s on opposite sides of the street. Luzzo’s oven is coal-fired, but lemme tell you, from where I’m crouching, the whole crust mania is getting old. Plus, everyone takes their leftovers home in a box...I’ve had way more luck over the last few weeks with Papa John’s, because nobody walks in off the street to buy those slices.
Finally, tucked away on Twelfth street you have Motorino—this is the real deal. It’s the kind of place where if you take a lady rat, they suggest a fizzy-red-wine pairing. My uncle Louie swears his big brother Joe made off with an entire soppressata pie one time back in 2012..."
And of course, our new national mascot immediately inspired the internet to explode with grateful tweets and memes.
You KNOW you were thinking it, 90's kids.
Thank you Pizza Rat, for making everyone's Monday a little bit better. You will be forgotten soon along with so many other viral internet one-hit-wonders, but here's to hoping that next time you and that slice make it all the way back home.
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