Please, Tell Us These Russian Teens Didn’t Really Decapitate A Homeless Man And Play Soccer With His Head?

  • Matt Rudnitsky

Obama Russia Horrified FaceRussia, you’ve done it again. You harbor Edward Snowden, steal our Super Bowl rings and use the heads of homeless men as soccer balls.

Wait, no. That’s not right. One of those things doesn’t fit. Not even in Russia. NOT EVEN IN RUSSIA DOES THAT HAPPEN, RIGHT?

Please tell us this doesn’t happen, New York Daily News.

Are you there, New York Daily News?

Two drunk Russian teens chopped off a homeless man’s head, which they then used to play soccer, police said. The pair allegedly used an ax, saw and knives to kill and decapitate the vagrant on a street in eastern Moscow “because they didn’t like the look of him.” After kicking his head around, they dumped it in a garbage bin. His corpse was left dumped on the street.

There are literally no words.

The teens could each face 15 years in prison if convicted of murder.

There are literally no words, and there is literally no way my laptop will continue to function while covered in vomit.