South Korea, Jackie Robinson West Handshake Line Is Taking Forever, May Still Be Going On

  • Rick Chandler

OK, if even one pair of players gets this wrong during the handshake line, we’re starting over.

South Korea beat Chicago’s Jackie Robinson West, 8-4, today for the Little League World Series title, in which we learned that apparently there are no taunting restrictions in Williamsport:

But all of the U.S. was classy in defeat. Ha ha, just kidding:

Yes, South Korea is huge, and their calligraphy is confusing … who knows what those birth certificates say. We just got to the point where we could read Japan’s. But they look like they’re just kids having fun out there.

So Jackie Robinson West’s story was inspiring, and they had a lot of celebrity support. But South Korea won some hearts as well.

And remember, racism is still alive in the U.S: don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. Because if you can root against kids in a baseball game just because they’re black, you are a special species of asshole:

The Chicago team will be home just in time to get about four hours of sleep and then report for the first day of school. The South Korean team will report for the first day of practice tomorrow for next year’s LLWS.

So until next year, when we once again single out only the most talented 12- and 13-year-olds to glorify on TV while leaving all of their regular-season peers behind, and unashamedly commercialize a children’s game for corporate profit, we bid you farewell from Williamsport, PA.