Having Sex With Your Female Twitter Followers: An Athlete’s How-To Guide
September 22 / Dan Fogarty / SportsGrid
Paul Bissonnette is a forward on the Phoenix Coyotes. He is also very popular on Twitter, sporting nearly 135,000 followers. That second piece of information, the one about Twitter, is important for our purposes here.
Bissonnette, like most young men, likes to go on dates with pretty girls. There are three things about his situation, though, that make him unique among the mid-20s Phoenix dating pool. One is his income (terms of the two-year contract he signed in 2010 were not initially disclosed, but CapGeek places its value at $1.225 million). Another is the fact that he's a pro athlete. The third is that Twitter account.
Often, Bissonnette will tweet photos of girls. Alongside these photos, he'll include messages that allude to probable schtupping. He says he does this to get a rise out of people.
There are photos of girls with Bissonnette at beer gardens. There are photos of girls with Bissonnette at nightclubs. There are photos of girls in beds, and we're presuming the bed is Bissonnette's. His yfrog account, which hosts the images that he tweets, is the scrapbook of a young athlete who's having a lot of fun.
But Twitter isn't just a way to show off your belt notches. In a podcast with Sports Illustrated'sJimmy Traina, Bissonnette informed Traina that you can also pick up girls using the social media service. He outlined his strategy, which we'll call the P.A.U.L system.
Ping: Bissonnette will receive a message from a new follower.
Assess: Bissonnette will click on their Twitter avatar. Are they female? Are they hot? Bissonnette will assess the situation.
Utilize: If the new follower in question is indeed a female who is hot, Bissonnette will utilize his clout. He will message them back, and voila, a friendship is born.
Love: Bissonnette will have sex with his new friend.
In addition to all of this, Bissonnette spoke with Traina about the angry fans who tweet at him (he describes them as being "soft as baby shit."). He also talks about how hockey is a better sport to watch live than football or basketball, and overall, the whole conversation is worth a listen over at SI.
Our favorite part, though, was the aforementioned clip, where Bissonnette talked about his Twitter system. He says he has only had "6 or 7" experiences with followers on Twitter, and he's careful enough about his conduct so as not to piss off his agent or the Coyotes organization. Bissonnette describes his system here: