Watch Foreign Women Beat The Crap Out Of Each Other
If you're tired of football, basketball and hockey, and could care less which professional athlete is having criminal charges dropped against him, give woman's roller derby a shot (and yes, there really is men's roller derby).
— Stacie Flowers (@StacieFlowers) November 22, 2014
The Roller Derby World Cup is happening right now in Dallas. The first RDWC was held in 2011 in Toronto and was won by Team USA, who beat Team Canada, 336-33. I'm betting I could have made all that up and you would have still believed it. Well, it's actually all true. I'm also guessing you don't know how the game is played, so here's some basic rules.
— TheScore.ie (@thescore_ie) December 3, 2014
Each side has five skaters, and all ten players skate in the same direction on a track. Both teams designate a "jammer" who is their point scorer. After an initial single lap, the jammer gets a point for each opposing team player she passes on the track. That sounds kinda lame until you realize the other eight players are blockers who can legally send opposing players flying into the audience (imagine the NFL if it weren't run by a bunch of sissies). The jammers are assisted by "pivots," or blockers who can become jammers. Basically, it's quidditch meets rugby.
Unfortunately, to watch it live on RollerDerbyWorldCup.com, you'll have to shell out $45 (or perhaps you could find some highlights on youtube). But the game is long on fun and short on pretense. They're not afraid to promote their players' toughness and sexiness, and their sexy toughness (lots of eyeblack and big bras).
— Philly Roller Girls (@PRGSkates) December 3, 2014
So who's expected to win it all? Defending champs, Team USA. They demolished the Netherlands and Puerto Rico by a combined score of 1142-18 on the first day of competition. They also lead the Cup in entertaining names: Mercy, Smarty Pants, Teflon Donna, Fisti Cuffs, and so help me, Newbie, my absolute favorite, Shenita Stretcher (say it out loud). There's also Urrk'n Jerk'n, a name that will make you delete your search history after you look it up.
— Andy Glockner (@AndyGlockner) December 4, 2014
With names like those, they're all Jammers.
Photo via Wicked Shamrock Photography
David Young has been a columnist for ESPN and Sports Illustrated, and is now one for SportsGrid.com. Follow him on Twitter @turkeysflying.
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