A MASTERS HANGOVER LIKE NO OTHER – THE RBC HERITAGE
Is there anything worse than the post-Masters hangover? It’s intense. It throbs for weeks and even a supersized Gatorade, pound of bacon and some greasy home fries can’t exorcise it. In cases of emergency, breaking the glass on the secret BBQ Ringolos/Chocolate Milk combo is usually a fail safe - no dice. Like chronic halitosis, it's incurable. Our golf watching wads have been shot and, regrettably, they won’t be recharged until the Players three weeks from now. There’s an off chance your one of those exceptions and may be ready for Quail Hollow, but hey, don’t strain yourself. If you’re desperate to return, guns a blazin', just purchase one of those handy pills advertised non-stop during every broadcast. I hear they do the trick.
But enough juvenile humor aimed at the plus-45 crowd, let’s talk RBC Heritage. It’s basically the opposite of Augusta - nothing unique about it - so if the Masters wasn’t your bag, you’re bound to love Harbor Town. While it too honors the winner with sartorial swag, the plaid
jacket sports coat just doesn’t have the same elegance as Adam Scott’s new dinner wear. Put it this way, if such a thing as a cheesy 60s party exists, “Handsome” Carl Pettersson wouldn’t need to hit a thrift store on the way.
Disgusting. And that jacket certainly isn’t boosting the esthetic appeal. It’s not even original, either. The Colonial awards an almost identical booby prize, just in lighter shade of red – more cerise than sangria. Muted tones aside, besides taking place on an island and having a lighthouse off in the distance, there’s nothing you’ll find at the Hertiage another tournament doesn’t do better. Even its thrilling finishes lack panache. So maintaining the theme of unoriginality, let’s load up on known quantities.
Brandt Snedeker – Strangely enough, Snedeker’s Sunday Masters meltdown was shades of his final round performance here last year. Except no tears were shed, probably because it was at the Hertiage and he didn’t really care. The 2012 FedEx Cup champ trailed by six strokes, still sitting inside the Top 5 mind you, but bled shots coming in, firing a back nine 40, going four-over on the final four holes. Doesn’t happen every year, though. Just 12 months previous, Brandt used a Sunday 64 to fuel a six shot comeback, taking the ferry back to the mainland wearing that ridiculous
Jim Furyk – Furyk sports a history eerily reminiscent of Snedeker’s at Harbor Town. He claimed the title in 2010 after Brian Davis called a penalty on himself in the playoff. **Completely moronic by the way, especially if you’re Brian Davis – a name not exactly synonymous with winning. All these players mold their games to be like Tiger, Davis really should have emulated Woods’ stance on how to handle penalties. If it can help you win, pretend like it didn’t happen.** Back to Furyk. His championship defense was alive until, like Sneds, it unraveled under the weight of a back-nine 40, dropping him from third to T21. And last year, he finished inside the Top 10 despite a Friday 75. He’s safe, so you need him and his bizarre swing this week.
Brian Gay – I support equal rights for all people.
Luke Donald – The highest ranked player in the field had strung together 11 consecutive rounds under par at this course before getting derailed, firing an opening round 75 last year. Although he managed to play the weekend, it took him out of contention early and the rest of his week was riddled with uninspired play. Donald’s simply too good to let that happen two straight years. Expect a result more along the lines of 2010 an 2011: 2nd, T3.
Carl Pettersson – Was actually among the leaders before a 77/81 finish left him behind a 14-year-old at Augusta. Still, it’s hard not to roll with the defending champ, and while he’s not exactly playing inspired golf coming in, he has managed to make four of five cuts.
Jason Day – Coming off his Masters letdown Day could really go either way. He's a wildcard. But, I don’t want to leave the Aussie off my squad only to watch him go into FU mode and tear the course apart.
Jason Dufner & Matt Kuchar – Sometimes not outsmarting yourself and loading up on the obvious names is the proper strategy in Fantasy golf. Not having Duff Man and #KuchsKrew in such a weak field will only have you swatting light bulbs when they’re entrenched on the first page of the leaderboard come Sunday.
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