The 23 Best Rule Changes MLB Rejected This Offseason
With football in our rearview mirror and MLB team workouts in full swing, it's time we turned our focus to America's favorite pastime: complaining about baseball. Luckily, second-year commissioner Rob Manfred is more open to change than his predecessor, so you'll be happy to hear that the 2016 season should have fewer moments that leave you scratching your head, going, "Wait, you can do it?"
When it comes to sliding directly into someone's ankle (ahem, Chase Utley, ahem), you now cannot do that.
Here are the rule changes that were agreed upon by MLB and the MLBPA Thursday morning...
- He begins his slide (i.e., makes contact with the ground) before reaching the base;
- He is able and attempts to reach the base with his hand or foot;
- He is able and attempts to remain on the base (except home plate) after completion of the slide; and
- He slides within reach of the base without changing his pathway for the purpose of initiating contact with a fielder.
While we applaud Major League Baseball for taking steps to improve their product, by no means have they addressed all the issues behind baseball's precipitous decline in popularity. There are countless more amendments that could be added to the rulebook to improve any number of its outdated, unfair or generally unappealing aspects.
Below are the 23 rule changes MLB and the MLBPA surprisingly decided against this offseason...
23) Batters no longer allowed to wear catcher's equipment, stand inside strike zone.
22) Small market teams must score above a 98% on rigorous entrance exam before admission into World Series.
21) Immediate ejection for players who interfere with a fan's nap.
20) PED testing procedure requires players to use their own urine.
19) Umpire allowed to review bench-clearing brawls in case they missed something funny that all the other umpires are laughing about.
18) Batter time outs limited to seventeen per at-bat.
17) Cigarettes? Sure, why not. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
— CurlsMcGee (@curlsmcgee7) April 14, 2015
16) As a safety precaution, all stadiums are required to construct netting around Jonathan Papelbon.
15) Watercoolers given personhood, right to sue for abuse.
14) In-game montage of the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry history capped at 15 minutes.
13) MLB uniform code updated to allow Bartolo Colon option to wear suspenders.
— Jack (@CuriousBigDaddy) February 16, 2016
12) To speed up games, pitchers must throw three baseballs with each arm, simultaneously.
11) Nationals manager Dusty Baker must continue calling Bryce Harper "Royce" in interviews because he keeps doing it and we're dying.
By the way, Dusty Baker keeps accidentally referring to Bryce Harper as 'Royce.' Twice so far.
— Chelsea Janes (@chelsea_janes) February 24, 2016
10) Special Fourth of July/Memorial Day uniforms will no longer feature American flag-accents, instead, they'll be made entirely of stone washed denim lined with unpaid credit cards bills.
9) Fans still expected to root, root, root for the home team, though if they don't win, Major League Baseball will no longer consider it "a shame."
3) To make it more interesting, All-Star Game winner gets seven-game home-field advantage in World Series.
7) Joe Buck must look directly into a live television camera and read one mean tweet after every recorded out.
"Let's take a look at these two teams. They're the best two teams left." -Joe Buck
Also, the ONLY teams left, Joe. pic.twitter.com/xzqTwXQad4
— Mitch Perkins (@TheMitchPerkins) October 28, 2015
6) Definition of a ground-rule double expanded to include balls that roll into open sewage pipe between second and third base at Tropicana Field.
5) Seventh-inning stretch must replace "God Bless America" with "America The Beautiful" because it's way less creepy, plus everyone likes that one better.
4) Foreign substances no longer allowed in pregame injections.
3) Mound visits must result in pitching change and/or a really uplifting, constructive conversation about what happiness really is.
2) Relief pitchers prohibited from entering games to "Hells Bells" or "Enter Sandman," because enough already.
1) Random screening for Human Growth Hormone on May 17th, 2016 at 3:37 p.m. EST.
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