Awesome Paper From A Grade-School Joe Kelly Only Gets A ‘B’ From Strict Teacher

  • Rick Chandler

For all of you creative writing students out there, study this school assignment closely. It was a paper written by a young Joe Kelly, circa around 1998 or so, where the now-St. Louis Cardinals pitcher outlined his future.

It has all the elements of great writing: Babe Ruth, a big house, being handsome, being a baseball player, and scuba diving — with extra credit earned for mentioning treasure hunting and swimming with stingrays. Just completely awesome in almost every regard.

We say almost because Joe does not foresee the iPad, or mention bacon. Anyway, worth a ‘A’ at least.

The transcript.

Ten years for now I am going to be a baseball player. I am going to be a pitcher, a shortstop and a first baseman. I’m going to be a home run hitter like Babe Ruth. I will probably still be living with my parents, but we will have a bigger house. I will still be a handsome boy. I will still have brown hair. I will invite my parents to my baseball games, and I will get souvenirs, too. When I get too old to play baseball like Cal Ripkens age, I will be a scuba diver, and find gold under the sea. Then I will probably see sharks, jellyfish, and stingrays. Then when I am 80 years old I will quit. I will probably have grandchildren too.