FACT: John Rocker Should Not Be Allowed To Tweet Anymore

  • Jake O'Donnell

Friday night, former pansexual Atlanta Braves volunteer massage therapist John Rocker, got all hopped up on Viagra and went after everyone on Twitter for some reason. Something about steroids (which he openly used and condones). Does it really matter? The guy is a case study in “terrible.” He’s the definitive asshole. He’s the only one who argues FOR bullying. And YES — John Rocker uses Twitter (and he’s still pretty much as angry as the last time we saw him (1999?).

He’s almost a parody of an incredibly stupid bigot at this point. I’d point to a character from a movie or television show or a book to compare him to an overtly unappealing character, but he’s in a league of his own. Wait, no. I got it.

John Rocker is like an dumber, more bigoted version of Rosie O’Donnell from “A League Of Their Own“. And prettier. But worse at baseball.

We’ve got the greatest hits from Rocker’s expletive laced social media tirade. Victim #1: U dumb fucks. We think. (He’s very stupid so it’s difficult to understand him sometimes.)

I dunno, John, steroids are illegal. “They” bag on them the same way they bag on people for cheating or lying.

I don’t think children think about it that way, John. Have you met a child before?

Ok, now you’re just being a meanie jerkface. God doesn’t hate anybody isn’t that poi…WHY AM I ARGUING WITH JOHN ROCKER?!?!

John, I can assure you that, in fact, MOST liberals are not on “welfare,” plus everybody got Friday off. Conservatives too. Wait, are you at work? Are you engaging in a Twitter battle from your desk? John, if you are, tweet the word “cunt” at a nice lady.

Ok, so you’re at work. But hold up for a second — no one has an issue with “big balls.” People take issue with the fact that steroids are bad for you and illegal in every country in the wester world. Did you know they can even exacerbate mood swings and cause erratic behavior? Fascinating stuff, really.

Hmm. What would happen if I were to grow a pair of asses and stick a needle in my balls? Because I’m not looking to double up on balls these days (it’s already pretty crowded down there).

“Irrelevant,” he says. Ha! John, I think everyone agrees — you’re the definition of irrelevant.

Tweets via The Hall of Very Good