Fan Caught Googling ‘How Long Does A Baseball Game Last?’ During Yanks-Jays
Jake ODonnell 10:24 am, April 14th, 2016
You're at baseball game and wondering when the hell it's gonna end. We've all been there. The simplest answer is "Whenever the hell you feel like it", because you're an autonomous adult in a free society. But the more complex answer depends on how stubborn the most committed fan in your group is, because you're also human and leaving friends or family behind because your bored is generally frowned upon. Enter Wednesday's Yankees-Blue Jays game -- the fastest game of Yankees season and nearly 20 minutes shorter than the MLB's 2015 average of three hours. Clocking in at just under two hours and 43 minutes, the Jays 7-2 win was a speedy, not-particularly-interesting example of what a professional baseball game looks like.
For this poor woman, however, it couldn't have ended quick enough. She was caught reading a TripAdvisor message board Re: "How Long Does A Baseball Game Last?"
For future reference, if you're ever stuck at a baseball game and dying to get out, here are a few helpful tactics to expedite your exit.
- Casually ask, "Hey, you think there's gonna be traffic?"
- Google "bat hits fan in stands" images and show them to the person you're with.
- Soil yourself.
- Frantically ask the person you're with, "Wait, is there is beef in this hot dog? Because I have a terrible beef allergy."
- Fall asleep -- or pretend to fall asleep and snore like a cartoon.
- Put your phone to your ear and begin crying, hang up, then stare at the field without blinking until they ask you if everything's ok, to which you'll respond, "No, but we have to finish watching the Jays close out this five-run lead just eight games into a 162-game season."
- Tell them, "Shit, looks like I forgot my wallet," then begin ordering beers for everyone around you.
- Run onto the field.
Hope this helps for next time (because if he's making you endure a meaningless blowout, there's definitely going to be a next time).