Highlights: Watching The Home Run Derby So You Don't Have To

  • Joe Polito

home run derby
Dingers. Bombs. Moon Shots. Taters. Other such words used to describe home runs as listed on MLB.com’s official baseball lingo page. You love them, and players love hitting them. That’s why they do all sorts of performance enhancing drugs enter the Home Run Derby for their shot at slugging glory.

You can tune in to the Derby live on ESPN, but you don’t have time to sit around and wait for the baseballs to leave the field of play. That’s why we’re keeping you updated on all the best moments (Warning: May contain trace amounts of Chris Berman).

Last year Yoenis Cespedes took home the crown, but if you ask me the New York sunset stole the show, displaying some great colors as a backdrop for the slugger’s high-arching homers. Big Papi enjoyed it.

This year the weather’s kinda crappy, and it rained all throughout batting practice. We can only hope for a sweet lightning strike as Giancarlo Stanton, a.k.a. Baseball Thor smashes one into the stratosphere. God bless America.

“Bet you $20 I can hit it over that Rainbow.”

It’s 9 p.m. and we’re finally underway. Todd Frazier annihilated one of the cameras mounted 10 feet away from the plate. Hopefully we get a cool replay of that one.

Brian Dozier only hit two, but he did expose the poor fielding skills of those kids in the outfield. Walk it off, little guy.

Joey Bats put together the first impressive round with 10 dingers. John Kurk says his hips “exploded,” which sounds dangerous. And a guy on the edge of the upper deck totally blew it.

Puig totally sucked. His first round lasted about three minutes and he hit zero homers. He’s such a rebel. Yasiel continued to go against baseball tradition by forgetting to bring a pitcher to the derby. Robinson Cano’s dad filled in last minute.

Giancarlo Stanton lived up to the hype. This blast was going a projected 510 feet before lodging itself deep in the third deck. Andrew McCutchen loved it. Stanton finished the round with six.

In the semifinals, it will be Stanton vs. Frazier for the NL, and Cespedes vs. Bautista for the AL.

Chris Berman Update: He called Giancarlo “Carlos Stanton” earlier, he keeps referring to “Sabermatics” (maybe on purpose to be funny? maybe?) and he’s still doing that corny thing where he namedrops small towns in the state hosting the All Star Game: “Whoa, that one’s headed to Bemidji! Mankato! Etc.!” No they’re not, Chris. That’s physically impossible.

Todd Frazier advances with the grand total of one home run. Because Stanton led his side of the bracket in the first round, he got a bye and automatically advanced to the semis. Well he must have gone cold, because he hit zero. So the people got what they tuned in for: four at-bats for Todd Frazier and two for Giancarlo Stanton. *fart noise*

Cespedes defeated Joey Bats with a solid round of seven homers. He’ll try to repeat as champion against the mighty Todd Frazier. Cespedes had another fantastic round in the finals, finishing with 9 and 30 total. Several went into the third deck.

Frazier combined for two in the final two rounds. Should have let Giancarlo pinch hit. Congrats to the back-to-back champ and his championship belt.