Mariano Rivera Made A Really Awkward But Hilarious Joke About His Parents Having Sex During His Goodbye Speech

  • Eric Goldschein

mariano rivera speechIn order to mask the pain we feel knowing that an all-time great will soon leave the big stage forever, let’s focus on one little segment that brought levity to an otherwise heartbreaking (and simultaneously touching, uplifting, fitting) affair.

Yesterday was Mariano Rivera Day at Yankee Stadium, as the all-time closer made his last regular season and most likely final appearance in New York. The Yankees honored Rivera in a pre-game ceremony that featured gifts, guest appearances by former teammates and a number of unveilings, from a Jackie Robinson plaque to Rivera’s own retired “42” in Monument Park. That’s all well and good, but as with anything, let’s get to the part about sex.

Rivera took the microphone at the end of the ceremony and gave a speech that included perhaps one of the strangest comments he’s ever uttered:

“To my dad, and mother… thank you for having me. I guarantee it was a great day, or great night, I don’t know what it was. But uh, it was great because you make a good one. So uh, gracias, thank you.”

We could not agree more. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Rivera, for having sex at least once and creating your son. Otherwise, we may never have seen one of the greatest baseball players ever grace the field with that fantastic cutter… and then thank his parents for having sex in front of his own kids in the middle of a full stadium. Just an epic way to end a career.

You can watch the full video here (the parents comment comes at the 8:34 mark):

It’s just a shame that the Yankees will have to play out the string on this season after this. Can’t we call it a year? The best deserves better than a Houston Astros finale.