Messin’ With Sasquatch: Yankees Won’t Consider Signing Brian Wilson Beacuse Of His Beard

  • Rick Chandler

It’s time to play: What’s More Ridiculous? Our first contestant, highly-sought-after short relief free agent Brian Wilson, who will entertain any offers, as long as he gets to take his beard along with him to his new team. Our other conestant: Yankees’ GM Brian Cashman. He says the Yankees are out of the running for Wilson, because …

So which side is more ridiculous? Right now I’m calling Yankees, by a whisker.

Of course we all know the Yankees’ tradition of allowing only clean-shavin’ athletes on the squad. And we’re well aware of Wilson’s fondness for his beard, which was recently declared protected forest land by the National Park Service. Wilson’s shopping for a team now, having proven his surgically-repaired shoulder is up to snuff with a solid second-half stint with the Dodgers this season, allowing only one run in 19 2/3 innings as a setup man.

Most interested in Wilson so far, according to reports, are the Giants (didn’t we just do this?), Dodgers, Indians, Tigers, Rockies, Mariners and Red Sox. Boston seems a natural fit, no? Anyway, the Yankees are not on that list literally because of cosmetic reasons. Which seems downright dumb.

They like a clean-shavin’ man.

I’d like to see Clayton Kershaw grow a majestic beard, then go on the free agent market. Are the Yankees saying they wouldn’t sign him if he refused to cut his beard? I have a feeling it would be “goodbye tradition”.