Hey everyone, look, we have our first mildly embarrassing revelation from the Roger Clemens trial! It turns out that Roger isn’t a Roger at all. No, the 7-time Cy Young winner’s real name is William R. Clemens.
“Rocket” Bill Clemens. Doesn’t exactly strike fear into your heart, does it?
In addition to possible jail time, financial losses, and damages to their reputation, the “real name reveal” is another problem that faces the more mythologized of celebrities who are in the midst of a criminal trial.
This is usually only embarrassing when the celebrity in question has an intimidating, obviously made-up pro wrestling name. The reveal is especially tough on rappers and mobsters, who build a brand on their intimidating fake names, only to see a gigantic hole ripped through the facade when the clerk announces “Jeffrey Atkins” instead of “JA Rule” (although, to be fair to Ja, we knew about his government name for quite a while before his recent gun trial. Thanks, 50 Cent!).
Realistically, the revelation about Rocket Bill Clemens will probably be the least embarrassing nugget that emerges from his now-commencing perjury trial. If the Barry Bonds clustermess was any indication, it won’t be too long before we hear detailed accounts of Bill’s bacne and sexual likes and dislikes. Fun!