Tale Of The Tweets: Who Wins The Marlins Man vs. Zack Hample Twitter Feud?
Two of the most recognizable fans in all of the MLB are Marlins Man and Zack Hample. Marlins Man (Laurence Leavy) is an attorney that travels to what seriously seems like every sporting event held during the year. He can always be seen in his bright orange jersey and matching visor. Marlins Man doesn’t just sit in the bleachers either. He always has the best seat tin the house. Zack Hample has been collecting baseballs since 1990. He goes from game to game, wearing different jerseys throughout and trying to grab as many baseballs as possible.
And despite Twitter being a very big place, there is still only room for one supreme superfan. They co-existed in the universe somewhat peacefully for a while, but finally their first major feud is upon us.
Last Sunday night, the MLB held its first ever game at an army base in Fort Bragg. The game was supposed to be exclusive to the military and their family and friends. Hample wound up buying (or was given, the story is fluid) a ticket off a member of the military and attended the game. He wasn’t quiet about it either. He tweeted incessantly, snapped a ton of pictures and wound up blogging about the entire experience. Marlins Man called him out on Twitter and a brand new beef was born.
Neither of these guys is very popular with other full-grown adult fans who are tired of their shenanigans, but who was really in the wrong?
SportsGrid staff writer, Tanya Ray Fox, and SportsGrid's managing editor, Gregg Sussman, have the full breakdown for you.
Marlins Man - introduced by Tanya
WEIGHT: Aging dad bod
HEIGHT: Tall enough to always be within frame of the camera
REACH: 62.8K Twitter followers, hundreds of thousands of TV viewers that have no choice in the matter and presumably the handful of people who have visited marlinsman.com
CLAIM TO FAME: Dressing like an anthropomorphic traffic cone and attending every single nationally-televised sporting event in the hopes of eventually validating his late-life career change to “superfan”
HIS BEEF: Hample out-superfanned him by forcing his way into a Fort Bragg MLB game intended for military personnel and veterans, and now Marlins Man is getting on his high horse and seizing the rare opportunity to look like less of an attention whore.
ACTOR WHO WOULD PLAY HIM IN THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT THIS FEUD: Ben Stiller. There’s no one in Hollywood that’s better at playing a self-righteous, attention seeker with outrageous hair.
HOW THAT MOVIE WOULD END: Marlins Man and Zach Hample sitting next to each other, getting beer poured on them in the second-to-last last row of the first ever non-nationally televised Super Bowl between the Jaguars and the Vikings. The camera zooms in on them as they simultaneously realize that both of their Twitter accounts have been suspended indefinitely.
Zack Hample - introduced by Gregg
WEIGHT: Probably like 175 pounds?
HEIGHT: Probaby around 5'10"?
REACH: 20.3K Twitter followers, 35,408 YouTube subscribers and an insane amount of haters
CLAIM TO FAME: Catching 9,093 baseballs at 52 different major league stadiums since 1990.
HIS BEEF: Hample attended the Fort Bragg game, buying a ticket from a soldier despite being ineligible to do so. Marlins Man, who did not go to the game, called him out and provided private Twitter DMs to the public
ACTOR WHO WOULD PLAY HIM IN THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT THIS FEUD: Ron Howard. Hollywood could probably get Howard to look much younger and let's just get rid of that ugly facial hair.
HOW THAT MOVIE WOULD END: With Marlins Man and Hample attending the same baseball game. But Marlins Man sits in the front in his Legends seats, while Hample is consistently running around searching for baseballs. After getting his eighth baseball of the night, Hample realizes that he values Marlins Man’s friendship and rushes to the front row. The two super fans make eye contact and Zack can’t help but throw Marlins Man the baseball. Marlins Man tips the cap of his orange visor and Hample tips his umpire cap back. The movie ends with the rush of people leaving the stadium.
ZACK HAS A POINT BECAUSE:
Tanya: Despite it being a total dick move, he did end up getting into the game. As far as superfan achievements go, getting tickets to a game on a military base that civilians were expressly forbidden to attend has to be way up there in the bragging rights department.
Gregg: Zack is extremely apologetic over the decision to attend the Fort Bragg game. He did't realize the extreme reaction that his attendance would cause and donated $1,100 to charity for the trouble. Zack also gave away every ball besides one that he was able to snag at the game. Yes, the Fort Bragg game was special and exclusive to the military and yes Zack shouldn't have been there, but he's a baseball aficionado and he was given a special opportunity to do something so few people had an opportunity to do. Wouldn't you do the same?
MARLINS MAN HAS A POINT BECAUSE:
Tanya: In the end, despite the fact that he and Hample are two peas in a douchepod, he has the support of the general population of Americans and baseball fans who believe that stealing MLB tickets from soldiers is a pretty pathetic move.
Gregg: Realistically speaking, Hample had zero right to be at the game. With over 9,000 foul balls already caught, did he really need to go to something specifically for our armed forces? It's one thing to be the guy changing jerseys constantly and begging players for foul balls and it's another to potentially take a seat (or a ball) away from a member of the military or their family.
WHO YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR:
Tanya: Baseball fans in the military who had Hample’s ass in their face while he stole foul balls at a game he wasn’t supposed to be at. The fact that they didn’t punch him in the face right then and there is a testament to their good nature. Which I suppose makes Marlins Man the de facto winner of this feud, since he wasn't there. Sure, he's probably a big enough turd to do the exact same thing. But this time, he didn't.
Gregg: I'm sure that Marlins Man could have found his way inside the stadium, but he knew it wasn't the right thing to do. I respect that. As annoying as his constant presence at every major sporting event is (read: totally jealous), Marlins Man knew when not to push the limit. It's one thing being at the World Series, NBA Finals, Kentucky Derby, and Super Bowl. It's another thing showing up at Fort Bragg. Hample went too far in this one. Even if he wanted to go, couldn't Hample have just done it incognito? He could have collected plenty of baseballs for his private collection, but instead he tweeted and blogged all about it. Zack Hample became the story of this game, not Adam Conley and the Marlins.
For that reason, Marlins Man is our victor 2-0. But what do you think?
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