Anthony Davis’ Projected* Growth Chart Over the Next 5 Years
Last night, during the Pelicans-Warriors game, TNT brought it to our attention that Anthony Davis has grown at a freakish rate from the moment his pod landed on our planet. Basically eight inches and 65 pounds in six years -- and apparently he's still growing. His wingspan has increased two inches since he came into the league in 2012, and there are rumors that he's intentionally avoided any height measurements because he doesn't like the sound of "seven-foot tall." It weirds him out.
He's seven feet tall.
So we asked our in-house science team to predict Davis' growth over the next five seasons. Their findings were shocking.
"His body has a peculiar amount of horse blood in it," they told us. "Though we're not sure if that's because he's part horse or because he's recently consumed one."
"We've deduced he will not stop growing, as it is apparent John Calipari has made some sort of pact with Satan that gives his recruits the power of everlasting length."
"He is a real-life version of H.P. Lovecraft's mythical deity, Cthulu. You will eventually worship him and cower before his majestic, cosmic power," they added. "By the 2020 free agency period, it would not be unreasonable to assume Anthony Davis will consume most of Earth's oxygen, causing the planet's sixth and final mass extinct event."
"Gravity will eventually become an issue for the supermassive power forward," one scientist told us, wiping away tears from his eyes as he appeared to take solace in the fact that the laws of nature would exact revenge on the behemoth for destroying life as we know it.
"Later in his career, our mathematical models project he will collapse on himself, triggering a singularity that consumes all the visible universe. By that point he'll probably rank in the top 10 all-time in rebounds, blocked shots and triple-doubles."
Anthony Davis currently ranks 237th on the all-time career blocked shots list just two-and-a-half seasons into his career. He was also the youngest player to average 20 and 10.
"Were it not for the complete and utter destruction of our entire dimension, Davis would have a shot at Kareem's scoring record, too. He's a beast."
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