Damian Lillard Is Afraid Of Statues

  • Jordan Rabinowitz

We picked Portland Trail Blazers’ rookie point guard Damian Lillard to win Rookie of the Year. We’re one month into the season and that call isn’t looking half bad. He isn’t doing as well off the court, however, confiding to the Twitterverse that he is afraid of statues. But just historical statues, guys!

The phobia came to a head when Lillard’s Blazers visited the Wizards in our nation’s capital, where there are historical statues aplenty. Did the hapless Wiz earning their first win of the season, in 13 tries, against the Blazers have anything to do with Lillard still being spooked by that huge granite likeness of Abraham Lincoln?

His fear is rooted in a trip he took to a wax museum while in college. Here’s what he told USA Today’s Jeff Zillgitt (via Ball Don’t Lie):

“The last room was Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln — all these big-time historic people, and it looked just like them. Same size,” he said. “They had music playing in the room to set the mood, and it just threw me off.”

“Ever since then, I’m done. Even at Lake Oswego (near Portland), I drive past the cemetery, and there’s a statue of Jesus with his hands up. That even scared me. I don’t mess with statues no more.

“It’s the idea that they’re from so far back, and so big in our history. Just to see something that looks so close to them, it’s weird. It freaks me out.”

Driving through D.C. Tuesday night with monuments lit up, “was crazy. All I could think of was Abraham Lincoln getting killed,” Lillard said.

So that’s why the Wizards got their first win, because their opponent’s rookie phenom could only think about Abraham Lincoln getting killed. That’s a weird kind of reaction to have, but if you’re scared of historical monuments, I guess you better be prepared to go the whole nine yards. No skimping on that phobia.

But not to worry about Lillard’s bad case of the uncanny valleys if your a Blazers fan, it doesn’t look like you have your own Royce White on your hands. You know, because Lillard goes to games and plays basketball. And trust him, it really isn’t that bad.

I’ll believe it when I see it. All I’m saying is keep your eyes peeled on New Years Day when the Trail Blazers visit the Knicks. Let’s see what happens when self-proclaimed historicalstatuephobe has to go toe-to-toe with Lady Liberty. Then we’ll see who’s terrified

[h/t Ball Don’t Lie, Getty Images]