If You Don’t Have Fun At The Phoenix Suns’ December 6th Home Game, You Can Get A Refund For Your Ticket

  • Dylan Murphy

In theory, the Phoenix Suns could earn exactly $0 on ticket sales for an upcoming home game against the Dallas Mavericks on December 6th. How, might you ask? Because of a newly implemented ticket sales promotion, which boldly guarantees the fun fans will have watching the Phoenix Suns play. And if they don’t, well just mail the ticket in and collect a refund.

“Good Times Guaranteed, or your Money Back. Come see the edge-of-your-seat action live Thursday, December 6 as your Suns battle the Dallas Mavericks and if you’re not completely satisfied with the experience, we’ll give you your money back. Please follow the instructions below to receive a refund of the purchase price of your game ticket.

Since the departure of Steve Nash, the Suns have been lacking a signature star through which they can advertise the franchise. Attendance numbers at home games have suffered as a result, with the Suns ranking 24th in the league in fans per game, 15,063 on average. Their attendance percentage is even worse, coming in at 79.9%, 28th in the NBA.

This promotion, according to Suns president Jason Rawley, stems from a No. 14th overtime loss to the Chicago Bulls, when fans were apparently “leaving our building with a smile on their face” despite the unfavorable outcome. And so the pitch, at its core, is merely, “Come gives us a try.” For the non-basketball fan daring to dip their toe in the NBA, this is that perfect opportunity. As for what constitutes price-value “fun,” the Suns are letting fans decide. This, of course, opens an unsavory fiscal door, but only a few dedicated moochers will probably take advantage and mail their ticket in.

For those planning to honor the Suns’ word and hoping to genuinely determine whether or not fun was had, here’s some basic criteria:

Did Blake Griffin throw down a monster dunk on Channing Frye?

Was the Suns’ postgame show video-bombed by a paper penis?

Is Michael Beasley selling erotic figurines at the arena?

Will Markieff Morris dunk on Blake Griffin?

If none of these things happen, head to the post office.