Alternate headlines for this post include, “World Pushed To Brink Because Of Sneakers,” or “Retro Jordan’s Bring Out Some Old Fashioned Police Scare Tactics” or “Oh My God These Are Sneakers Everybody Fucking Relax.”
They are really cool, though.
[ABC 7] At the Woodlands Mall around 9 a.m., witnesses said a Montgomery County Sheriff’s deputy fired a Taser at a 17-year-old girl, caught in the commotion. They described the move as “excessive” and said the deputy used the Taser as a “scare tactic” to get people back in a formal line.
“It got rowdy about some shoes. They asked us to back up. We easily backed up and the girl turned around. He pulled out his Taser and shot her,” said witness Carlos Harrell.
She said all of a sudden heard what sounded like a firecracker, felt a pulse, and started running. In a photo she provided to ABC13, she said the Taser’s prong ended up in her backside. She also said she was simply trying to move away when, without warning, the deputy fired the weapon.
You can check out the sheer destruction these things caused, here, or just stare at them in the slideshow below — preferably before entering a cage fight. If you managed to get your hands on a pair, we suggest sneaking past the orc guards at the gates of Mordor and throwing the cursed retro XIs into the fires of Mt. Doom. (They actually won’t be available until Saturday, so it’s cool if you throw your ticket instead.)