Kevin Seraphin Wouldn’t Celebrate His Birthday Because The Washington Wizards Suck So Much

  • Dylan Murphy

On December 7th, 2012, Washington Wizards forward Kevin Seraphin turned 23 years old. The Wizards also played that night, losing to the Atlanta Hawks 101-100 despite Seraphin’s 19 points, 7 rebounds, 1 assist and 2 blocks. The game dropped the Wizards to 2-14 overall. Washington is 3-18 now, destined for another lottery season and whole bunch of pointing and blaming. This made Kevin Seraphin sad.

So sad, in fact, that he refused to celebrate his 23rd birthday.


“‘Back on December 7th, Seraphin refused to celebrate his 23rd birthday out on the town, even with his roommate Taylor and girlfriend Allison pestering him that he deserved to have some fun. ‘We keep losing. I feel guilty to celebrate. Not this year,’ said Seraphin in a frustrated tone.”

We really do we hope the Wizards turn it around at some point, if only so Seraphin can celebrate a guilt-free birthday one of these years. Though he might have to wait a long time, because the Wizards haven’t finished above .500 since ’07-’08. Maybe a trade is the way to go. Wait, nope. That didn’t work out for him last time. He probably misses Chicago, the team he technically never played for.

On the bright side he’s having a solid year, averaging career highs in points, rebounds, assists and minutes. But it’s particularly disappointing because sports birthdays are usually quite entertaining, what with penis drawings and birthday cakes and trolling and all. Just don’t tell the jumbotron about it.