Kristaps Porzingis Is NBA-Ready: He’s Already Trying To Bang Rihanna
Eric Goldschein 11:34 am, June 25th, 2015
One of the biggest question marks of the 2015 NBA Draft in a class full of them is Kristaps Porzingis, the 19-year-old Latvian who looks like a European Anthony Davis, but has some worried about how he'll be able to adjust to the more physical NBA game.
Mock drafts have Porzingis all over the first round, as varying teams consider the risk in drafting a kid with a monster wingspan but an unknowable drive. We all remember Andrea Bargnani -- and the Knicks are still living with that nightmare.
But rest assured, NBA general managers: Porzingis is NBA-ready. He's already embarking upon a campaign that many current players have already tried themselves. It's a time-honored tradition: If you're an NBA player, you're trying to bone Rihanna. Remember that time she basically shut down the Nets game just by being there?
You see the nuts on this kid? You know how hard it would be to hold your own in a double-date with Jay-Z, Queen Bey and RiRi? Even as a ridiculously tall and talented NBA prospect who speaks multiple languages, Porzingis would be, by far, the least cool person at the table. And he's still trying to scale that mountain. Props.
Porzingis is also aware of what he'd need to do to land that date. He can't campaign for the number one pick and go to Minnesota. He doesn't even want to go to Philly, where fellow Rihanna enthusiast Joel Embiid lives. He wants New York, where Rihanna lives:
[ESPN] “It’s my dream [to] play for the Knicks. It’s a basketball city. It definitely is a big spotlight,” Porzingis said on Wednesday. “I think I can take it. I would love to be a part of, a leader of that rebuilding team.”
Earlier, Porzingis told ESPN's Andy Katz of the Knicks: "That’s a great organization ... I would say the best organization there is in the NBA, one of the best."
He said the Knicks are "the best organization." You know what that means: He's willing to lie for sex. Done deal. Draft this kid. Date him. Give him his own talk show. I want it all for Kristaps.