Poopyfaced LeBron Addresses Haters In His Instagram Video Debut, Says “Shit” And “Stank”

  • Jake O'Donnell

Wow I guess it just hit me! LoL #LoveWhatIDo #AkronStandUp.” Akron Stand Up? Is that, like, an open mic he’s promoting? Because I KNOW he’s not implying that he somehow won a championship for Ohio by running off to Miami.

If he really wanted to get Akron to stand up, he’d have either stayed in Cleveland, or at least flown in a complimentary bottle of Dom Perignon (I think they ordered something stupid like 100 bottles, including those big ass ones that don’t look real.) Hey, but there’s always the year after next, when he might opt out and either head back to Cleveland, play pro football, or just ask the Heat for a mega-contract.

I digress, this championship is all about silencing haters. Which it should, because there are a lot of them, and the Heat won the NBA finals despite showing signs that they can’t dominate the playoffs the way they’ve dominated the regular season. “Please continue to motivate me,” Bronzo told the über-critical media. “I need you guys.”

Rebuttal: Hey, please continue to sporadically lose Game 1’s and you’ll always get that extra push. Jordan (ugh, HIM again) never needed any motivation outside of his burning desire to be better than every person on the face of the Earth (a desire that has lead him to face challenges he is clearly unprepared to handle…coughbobcats. Ahem.) Now, as far as the “stank” of his “two rings”…he might just be confusing that with Shane Battier’s leftover Denny’s that’s been sitting around since Thursday.