Wait. WAIT. The names go on top of the numbers, right? And…the “names” are usually the players’ last names — not their first names.
Also, don’t the uniforms usually say the team’s name or city or state somewhere on them? Like, with words?
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS?!?!
The NBA desperately wants you to spend $109 on their unique, albeit boring and uninteresting Christmas uniforms, because money is great and you’re an idiot (or at least they think you are). First off, why don’t the Christmas unis ever feature Christmas themes? Even winter themes would suffice — just something that gives the uniforms some context other than, “Well, a couple teams worth these once.”
Secondly, why can’t Adidas figure out how to make a decent looking alternate uniform? Is it because they’re trying to intentionally recreate Chinatown knockoffs in an effort to combat counterfeiting by blurring the line between a real and fake jersey (because that’s a terrible strategy)?
Thirdly, who wants to wear a shirt that says “John” on the back? Not women. Not men named something other than “John.” Not “cool people.” Not “almost cool people.” Not “someone who doesn’t want to constantly be asked who ‘John’ is.”
No one does. That’s so weird.
Just make ugly sweater uniforms every year for crying out loud. It’s what the people want. The Christmas Day schedule, below:
12 p.m. Washington Wizards at New York Knicks ESPN
2:30 p.m. Oklahoma City Thunder at San Antonio Spurs ABC
5 p.m. Cleveland Cavaliers at Miami Heat ABC
8 p.m. L.A. Lakers at Chicago Bulls TNT
10:30 p.m. Golden State Warriors at L.A. Clippers TNT