Pretty Much Screwed: The 2013-14 Golden State Warriors

  • Rick Chandler

Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NBA season. This team-by-team preview details why it’s probably not your favorite team’s year. Now let’s check out Golden State Warriors “behind the scenes.”

I have no idea what’s going on in the commercial below: it stars Andrew Bogut’s ass and a Hobbit trying to guard him, along with brief glimpses of Kent Bazemore. It’s entitled “#WeAreWarriors – A Little Help”, and they started showing it on Oct. 18 on CSN Bay Area, while the team was in China. But what does it all mean?

The Warriors will be showing opponents their ass this season? Bogut’s ass is no longer on the bench due to injury? Warriors’ defenders try harder? (generally, they don’t). Random fans may be called on to play in certain games? The Warriors will spank that ass?

The answers are shrouded in mystery. See what you can deduce:

Anyway, what we do know is this:

They Rate High On The Jack-O-Meter

A community’s enthusiasm for its NBA team is in direct proportion to the number of Jack-o-Lanterns it produces in the week before the opener … everyone knows this. By this measure, the expectations for the Warriors are at an all-time high.

If Golden State is 1-0 on Halloween (it opens against the Lakers the previous evening), the Bay Area is going to go nuts.

They Are The X-Factor

No one knows what to expect from the Warriors, including themselves. Exhibit A: Emerging franchise superstar Stephen Curry, who last season set the NBA record for made 3-pointers in a regular season with 272. He also had 54 points in one game at Madison Square Garden against the Knicks. He averaged 25.4 points and 6.9 assists during the month of February, and more than seven assists for the season. He was also virtually injury-free. So it’s anyone’s guess what opponents will face this year as he enters his fifth NBA season. Have the Warriors released a pretty good player, or have they released the Kraken?

If the team is to go from basement dwellers to lovable underdogs to NBA Finals material, guard Klay Thompson (16 PPG), Harrison Barnes and All-Star PF David Lee will have to continue to evolve. The previously-mentioned Bogut, the 7-foot center who just signed a three-year extension, will have to stay injury-free. All-Star veteran Andre Iguodala also joins the squad. Frankly I don’t know what to make of all of this: Golden State could win the Western Conference, or could finish third in the Pacific Division. They are that enigmatic.

Why They May Be Screwed

Curry is sensational, exciting and a great shooter … on many nights. But like all 3-point specialists, he’s not open 24/7. He can be streaky. He has many other gifts, but he’s been injured in the past, and, I’m just not getting too ready for a Finals appearance. It could happen, but there’s no Tim Duncan or LeBron or other big, soild, durable big man to carry the load here. I sense a great disturbance in the Force.

Warriors Fun Facts:

* Former Warriors’ mascot Thunder now lives in China. Supposedly.

* NBA 2K14 developers wanted Bazemore to provide the sideline celebrations for the game.

* The last Warriors’ NBA title? 1973-74.