Pretty Much Screwed: The 2013-14 Portland Trail Blazers

  • Rick Chandler

Welcome to “Pretty Much Screwed,” our definitive guide to the upcoming NBA season. This team-by-team preview details why it’s probably not your favorite team’s year. Next up, the weird, improved, rain soaked, always fun to watch Portland Trail Blazers.

If you’re not familiar with the satirical sketch comedy show “Portlandia”, you should be, because it’s brilliant. It stars former “Saturday Night Live” cast member Fred Armisen and lead guitarist/singer for Wild Flag and Sleater-Kinney, Carrie Brownstein, and is filmed entirely in or near Portland. Here they are with the Trail Blazers’ 6-foot-11 LaMarcus Aldridge, who had better be brilliant himself if the Blazers are going anywhere this season.

Like Portland itself, the Blazers are a little weird, somewhat gloomy, but always fun to watch.

Aldridge averaged 21.1 PPG last season, and the Blazers needed every bit of that, because their bench was terrible and their outside shooting wasn’t much better. The bench should be improved, however, with Allen Crabbe and C.J. McCollum (in the draft), Thomas Robinson (trade), and Robin Lopez and Mo Williams (free agency) coming on board. The starting five is just fine: Aldridge, Damian Lillard, Wesley Matthews, Nicolas Batum and Lopez. What the bench produces will define their season. Under the best of circumstances, we see the Trail Blazers making the playoffs, but not advancing past the first round.

Meanwhile, In Unfortunate Sears Family Photo News …

Why They Might Not Be Screwed

Robin Lopez!


Portland Trail Blazers Fun Facts

• Blazers today waived Dee Bost, E.J. Singler and Richard Howell.

• There’s another push going on right now to bring MLB to Portland. OK, it’s not NBA news, but if a stadium happens, they would greatly renovate the Rose Garden area, and that would be good for the Trail Blazers as well.

• Adidas owes a big apology to my eyes.

• Last week the Trail Blazers became the first NBA team to support marriage equality.

Prediction: 41-41, third in Northwest.