Who Will LeBron Face Off Against In ‘Space Jam 2’? Ranking Possible Monstar Squads
Rumors are swirling that Warner Bros. and LeBron James will work to reboot/revitalize/reimagine/sequel-ize "Space Jam," one of the most beloved sports movies of all time (especially for kids of the '90s) for its genius pairing of Michael Jordan and Looney Tunes, plus Bill Murray and Larry "Clear" Bird.
If you're not familiar with the film, a very quick recap: Jordan teams up with the Looney Tunes to play basketball against a team of aliens called the Monstars, who have stolen the powers -- meaning the skills and physical attributes -- of Jordan's fellow NBA stars (Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing and Shawn Bradley, who were chosen both for their talent and, in the case of Bradley, because it would be funny to have such a tall guy on the team).
It's a cute idea, and it leads to some typical cartoon-y hijinks when the players' talents are taken from them mid-game:
So if LeBron really does make a sequel to "Space Jam," he's the obvious choice for the lead. He's the closest we have to Jordan in this era. He's the league's best and most marketable star. He's already got the acting experience. It just makes sense. But the real question is: Which NBA players will become the basis for the newest Monstar squad?
There are plenty of marketable, funny, talented guys in today's game. In all likelihood, dudes like Kevin Durant, Anthony Davis and Blake Griffin will get the call. But we've got lots of options -- let's rank possible Monstar squads based on themes besides "They'll probably get the role." A few ideas:
5. The Friend Squad -- Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Paul, Kyrie Irving, ZYDRUNAS ILGAUSKAS
What good is being the star of a blockbuster movie if you can't cast your friends in it as well? Wade, Paul and Anthony are known around the league as LeBron's bros -- they rode a banana boat together, for chrissakes. Regardless of fit, LeBron will find a way to get them in there. Then we'll throw in Kyrie Irving, who has become something of a LeBron baby bro over the last year or so, and Big Z, LeBron's longtime Cleveland running buddy who would also fill the goofy, gangly white guy role well. Kevin Love is NOT invited.
4. The Rich Paul Squad -- Norris Cole, Eric Bledsoe, Trey Lyles, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Tristan Thompson
LeBron looks out for his fellow Rich Paul clients. In fact, whatever money Tristan Thompson makes this offseason from Cleveland is a direct result of having the same agent as LeBron. If you think LeBron's calculating genius would stop at getting his business associates cast in this movie, you're sadly mistaken. Plus, Norris Cole has two rings, so bow down.
3. The Golden State Warrior Squad -- Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson, Andre Iguodala, Draymond Green, Andrew Bogut
LeBron's greatest enemies. The ones who vanquished him in six games in this year's NBA Finals. Why wouldn't the aliens want to steal these guys' powers: They already demonstrated they have what it takes to beat the King. Plus, they're an historically good team in their own right, with skills that would translate well to the screen. And, once again, the Shawn Bradley role is filled, thanks to Bogut.
2. The Actually Funny Squad -- Blake Griffin, Chris Bosh, Jeremy Lin, JaVale McGee, Nick Young
These are legitimately some of the league's funniest players. Griffin is funny in a "takes UCB classes" kind of way. Bosh is just hilarious:
Lin has shown his sense of humor in his Instagram videos (and, let's be honest, would help this movie succeed massively in Asian markets), McGee is a walking joke and Young clearly has no problem dating jokes, so his ability to go the extra mile for a laugh should be noted. These guys have the comedic timing that some of the older guys (we're looking at you, Barkley) lacked in the first go-around.
1. The Already Kind Of Alien Squad -- Rajon Rondo, James Harden, Joakim Noah, Anthony Davis, Chris Kaman
Be honest: If I told you these dudes actually were aliens already, living amongst us "Men In Black" style, would you really be surprised? Their long arms, insane facial hair, odd faces and odder mannerisms (have you ever, like, listened to Chris Kaman? Dude is weird) make them natural fits for the roles.
Finally, we just have one last request: Wayne Knight (Newman) as Brian Windhorst, please.
Who else would you like to see in the next edition of "Space Jam"? Who should YOUR kids look up to and look back on fondly as "those guys from that stupid but ultimately adorable movie about space basketball with LeBron"? Let us know.
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