Harvey Updyke, Mustachioed-Auburn-Tree-Poisoner, Has A 7-O’Clock Curfew

  • Matt Rudnitsky

Harvey Updike Mustache Probation

The Toomer’s Corner tree poisoner, Harvey Updyke, is out of jail. But the swift hand of the law maintains control over Updyke, because he’s on probation.

Updyke will be on probation for the next five years with terms including a 7 p.m. curfew, a ban from attending any college sporting event and from stepping foot on Auburn University property.

Bam! The trifecta. As for the fairness of the punishment, I think it’s safe to say that any man with that moustache should be kept indoors after 7 p.m.