Kansas State Releases Infamous Halftime Show Blueprint: Yikes, It’s Even Worse
Kansas State has fined itself $5,000, and its marching band director has been suspended, for a halftime show in which some perceived the Kansas Jayhawk giving the Starship Enterprise a blowjob. That's the main fault with American education: all the fictional space sex acts. But with diligence, we'll get through this.
The theme was supposed to be "Outer Space", but somehow a badly-formed spaceship was looking a lot like a penis and heading directly into the mouth of the Kansas Jayhaws mascot, in this case a chicken.
Kansas State immediately offered an apology, even though band director Frank Tracz says that it was an innocent mistake. Many on Twitter also contend that dirty-minded people read too much into the performance, and that the band should be criticized for nothing more than a sloppy formation.
Tracz even released the plans of the show, proving, he says, their innocence. But, um, as you see above, that blueprint isn't helping. Mascot porn!
Anyway, K-State self-imposed the fine, and the suspension -- Tracz will not attend the game against Kansas on Nov. 28.
We pleaded with the Wildcats to use Lucasfilm on this, but apparently it wasn't in the budget.
Let's break down the blueprint action.
-- The Enterprise, looking sleek and impressive in a Commodore dot-matrix printer sort of way, has exhausted its phasers and photon torpedoes and so it's RAMMING TIME.
-- The Kansas Jayjawk, alias giant space chicken, roars its disapproval.
-- The main action is centered on the right hashmark, per NCAA rules. If this were an NFL space mascot halftime show, the attack could take place in the middle of the field.
-- Auxillary band members are stationed on the sideline (bottom left and right) in case others drop out, faint, or flee.
-- Suddenly, porn music blares through the loudspeakers.
-- The sudden, unexpected forbidden love between a poorly-organized spaceship formation and giant space poultry is on display for all to see.
-- Mothers cover children's eyes and hurry, slumped over, toward exits.
-- More band members rush onto the field to "scramble" the image, just like the cable sex channels on your TV when you were a kid.
-- The University of South Dakota wonders how it got involved in any of this.
Be the first to know
Want FREE Fantasy and Gaming Advice and Savings Delivered to your Inbox? Sign up for our Newsletter.