So NCAA Football Needs A New Name For Its Championship Game…

  • Joe Levine

It’s no secret that the NCAA is in the search of a new name to replace the Bowl Championship Series before their new playoff system is instituted in 2014. They’ve hinted at some possibilities, but no official name has been released yet. Since I’m really smart, I thought I’d offer some free suggestions for consideration.

Mike Goff, chief marketing officer for Premier Sports Management (who has been tabbed to come up with the new name), hinted that the new name will include the phrase “college football” somewhere. Makes sense. Dennis Dodd of CBS Sports offers the suggested name “The National Championship of College Football.” A bit long-winded, but self-explanatory. Seems pretty straight-forward, no?

But surely there is a more classical way to go. The NBA championship is not called “The National Championship of Basketball.” It’s the NBA Finals. The Super Bowl isn’t “The American Football Professionals’ Championship Cup.” The World Series isn’t… okay, you get my point.

So now that we’ve established that “The National Championship of College Football” is terrible, what wouldn’t be terrible? Here are three suggestions that have a certain ring to them.

The National College Football Classic

Not really a fan of this one, but it satisfies the really dumb “college football” requirement posited by Goff. “Classic” is cool way to cheat the system and invoke “classical” right away. Okay, let’s be real — I’m not into this name. Just throw it up against the wall. Let’s get to some real ideas, this one doesn’t count.

The Rose Bowl

Oh, right. College football already has a “granddaddy of them all” and it’s played in a huge stadium in beautiful Southern California. And it isn’t a corporately sponsored name. Plus “the Rose Bowl” has that classical feel to it already. And these kids aren’t getting paid anyway, so it’s appropriate that the winner gets a rose at the end like an episode of “The Bachelor.” Why is this even a discussion?

The National Championship Game

Doesn’t get more vanilla than this. Isn’t this what the game is already called? Why mess with success? Just get rid of the “BCS” label and leave well enough alone. Don’t hurt yourselves trying to overthink this one and come up with something like the Doak Walker Excellence Bowl or Jim Thorpe All-Around Touchdown Bowl. People are going to call it the National Championship Game regardless of what it’s officially titled, so cut to the chase and give the people what they want.

The Charmin #TweetFromTheSeat Toilet Cup

Who needs integrity? Sell this game out to Charmin, let them put their toilet bears all over the thing. Replace the stands with rows upon rows of toilets, replace the ball with a roll of toilet paper, replace the refs with bears with specs of toilet paper stuck to their butt cheeks, replace whatever honor and integrity is left in the game with the smell of sweet, sweaty cash. Because, in the end, isn’t that what college football is really all about?

[CBS Sports]