Greatest Football Coach On Earth Lobbies The University Of North Dakota For A Job With The Best Cover Letter We’ve Ever Seen

  • Jake O'Donnell

As Nick Saban secretly creeps out of Tuscaloosa, a new coaching legend has emerged in time to save the world from certain doom (or at least boring football doom). A man so brazen in his approach to football, he personally lobbies Universities to consider his sevices. There’s no media he said/she said. No rumor. No innuendo. Just good ol’ fashioned throwing the pigskin.

Nay, chucking. Chucking the pigskin. We’ll let Christopher McComas (that’s his name) explain his philosophy. (This is the actual cover letter he sent the University of North Dakota Athletic Director Brian Faison.)

“Mr. Faison,
I would like to express to you my interest in your now open position for head coach of football at the University of North Dakota.

Currently, I work in IT at a college in West Virginia, but I have many years of experience with football, starting with attending my first Marshall University football game when I was 3 years old. In the past 30 years I’ve only missed a handful of Marshall’s home games, attended many road games, and all of their bowl games.

All the while I played various football games including Madden on Sega Genesis where I completely dominated with the Bills and Thurman Thomas. Seriously, was he a beast on the game or was he a beast because I was a football genius controlling him? I then moved on to a Playstation gaming system and purchased NCAA Football every year and put together several programs that completely dominated the recruiting scene and college football winning several national titles with Marshall University. I took them from a decent Mid-American Conference School on the game to a perennial national power that makes Nick Saban look like a chump. One year my third string quarterback left school early to enter the NFL Draft, he was a first round pick. Boom.

My football philosophy is basically an attacking one. We’re going to give AIR RAID a whole new definition. Theoretically how many times do you think a team can pass in a game? Challenge accepted. We’re going 5 wide, chucking the pigskin all over the place. Never punt. Onside every time. Chip Kelly will be calling me to learn my offense. We will put on an exciting brand of football, we will pack them into the Alerus Center night in and night out, go ahead and blow the roof off the place and add about 35,000 seats to that place.
I would love to speak with you further regarding this opening and what I can bring to UND, putting UND back on the national map and making NDSU our (b****).

Attached to this email you will find a PowerPoint with more information.

Christopher McComas

PS – I prefer Coke to Pepsi, so go ahead and fill the fridge up in the head coach’s office with Coke.”

For once, we are speechless. There is literally nothing about this cover letter that isn’t absolute genius. Nothing. Somebody hire this kid ASAP. Need more evidence he’s a college football savant? Activate Twitter hastag #ChuckThePigskin

We like to imagine McComas believes a lethal aerial attack is the answer to all the world’s problem. Hungry? Chuck the pigskin. Malaria got you down? Chuck the pigskin. Lost? Chuck the pigskin. We believe these should all be memes (but are too lazy to make them ourselves). Here’s how you can make them for us

H/T Buzzfeed