The 10 Most Spectacularly-Named High School Football Players In The Country

  • Glenn Davis

There’s a good chance you’ve seen it: a while back, Comedy Central’s acclaimed sketch show Key & Peele did a sketch about names. Specifically, they did a sketch about football player names, and how they’re sometimes… a bit unusual. We at SportsGrid are, of course, familiar with this, so we couldn’t be happier that yesterday, Rivals released its initial list of the top 250 prospects in the nation for the high school class of 2014. Another list of names to sift through! And sift through we did. Below, in no particular order, our 10 favorites from the initial Top 250 for 2014. Let us know if you agree with our selections.

1. Thaddeus Snodgrass

Do I even need to add anything here? This is the best name of the year. Maybe of any year.

2. Speedy Noil

His name’s actually “Speedy Nerl,” but Bugs Bunny was dictating.

3. Jaleel Wadood

The back-to-back double-vowel sounds make it. That and that it reminds me of Calvin writing nonsense.

4. Traevohn Wrench

First name is great because it’s like “Travon” pronounced in a thick Southern drawl, and the result is spelled out. Last name is great because it’s “Wrench.”

5. Mikale Wilbon

OK, Michael Wilbon, we get that you invented a time machine and secretly used it to send yourself back to high school so you could be a football star in your hometown of Chicago under an alternate identity, but don’t you think you could have made your alias a little tougher to crack?

6. Jeb Blazevich

Jeb Bush + Pokemon ability + some Eastern European heritage = Jeb Blazevich.

7. Moral Stephens

Bet he’d get along with Moral Orel.

8. T’Kevian Rockwell

This one rolls off the tongue. Hopefully if he gets to the NFL he’ll be able to commission artwork depicting his biggest hits, just so he can admire them and say, “Now that’s what I call a real Rockwell painting.”

9. Toa Lobendahn

Not much to add on this one. I just like the way it looks and sounds. Sounds big. And at 6-4 and 270 pounds, Toa Lobendahn is a big guy.

10. Freddy Canteen

He’s only the most prepared scout in the whole troop!