10 Things That Are A Better Purchase Than $4 Redskins Tickets
How much did you pay for tickets to your your last NFL game? $50? $150? $1,500?
What if I told you, you could attend a game for $4? Well, you can -- it's just that the game you'd have to attend is the St. Louis Rams at Washington Redskins. It's a battle for the NFL's most controversial team. On one side, you've got athletes with their 'hands up.' On the other side, you've got an offensive team name.
So at this point, Washington Redskins tickets are as valuable as toilet paper -- not a whole roll necessarily, but definitely a few pieces of it. Ticket prices are a direct representation of the franchise. It doesn't take one small problem for a $4 ticket price to occur. It takes long, deleterious, painful destruction of their fan base; It takes starting Rex Grossman, John Beck and Jason Campbell; it takes the coming of hope (Robert Griffin III), only to have that hope obliterated.
Frankly, there are few items or experiences in our present economy that actually cost you $4. Not even UNICEF -- the charity that used to be notorious for taking quarters and pennies on Halloween -- will accept a gift that low. But still, we managed to find 10 things to do with your $4 (or less) that are better than buying Redskins tickets.
PBR tall boy, 99 cent Doritos -- And then, just watch Colt McCoy (who sounds like a cowboy... Colt) from home.
Ravens Gear -- If you can't beat em, join em?
.00000001 grams of gold -- Gold on my chain. Gold on my rang. Gold on my watch. Don't believe me? Just watch.
A feast at Costco -- You know that food that's past the checkout line that includes pizza, pretzels and sodas? Sure, you need to have a membership card, but borrow a friend's... And enjoy junk food feast for under $4.
Toilet Monster Decal -- Because pooping is funny, so you're toilet should be, too.
A Redskins Flag -- with which you could wipe your butt. Or, I suppose you could burn it, if you're into weird shit like that.
Donate $4 to a Native American charity -- But that would make too much sense.
A good book -- like Into Thin Air, Gone Girl (hey, the movie was good), Game of Thrones, Confederacy of Dunces, or the National Geographic Just Joking Pack, Volume 4, and Froggy Goes to The Doctor. These title has been engrained in History -- forever.
Camo Six Pack Beer Belt -- This. Is. Awesome.
McGangbang -- Go into your nearest McDonalds establishment and purchase (from the dollar menu) a chicken sandwich and a double cheese burger. Split the double cheeseburger in half so that there's a piece of meat on each bun. Put the chicken sandwich on top of the bottom burger patty and bottom bun. Then put the top burger patty and top bun on top of your chicken sandwhich (which is on top of your other half of the burger). And viola! Eat that McGangbang.
Good luck enduring your Sunday, Redskins Fans. I hope this was cathartic for you.
Photo via Getty
Follow or direct angry qualms to Henry McKenna on twitter @McKennAnalysis.
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