10 Things To Watch If You Don’t Give A Shit About The Super Bowl
Dear Super Bowl haters,
There aren't many of you out there, which is why you get lost in the madness that it Super Bowl Sunday; forgotten amidst the chaotic mess of pizza, buffalo wings, day-drinking and prop bets on million-dollar commercials. For many of you, this one Sunday a year is a day you dread. It is a day you stay off of Facebook, pretend you haven't seen invitations to house parties and hope that no one asks you "where are you watching the game?!"
It's an under-appreciated struggle that you endure. On a day that brings almost the entire country great joy - a day so important that it offers a built-in expectation of Monday hangovers at workplaces nationwide - you are left trying to figure out why you'd prefer to watch Friends re-runs by yourself than join the National American Party.
It's not fair, and it's time that you are acknowledged.
So while SportsGrid is indeed a sports blog -and we have already starting warming up our spinach artichoke dip and chilling out Miller Lites -we are grateful that you know you just don't give a shit about the Super Bowl and have decided to stay home. It's the right thing to do. Nay, the brave thing to do.
So here is a list of fantastic alternative programming to help you decide what to tune into while we act like teenagers and pretend that Monday will never be here.
Tanya & the rest of SportsGrid
1) Bring It On: Fight To Finish (Freeform) 6pm ET
Girl power but like also, romance. This is a great option for the single millenial who really just needs to grab a bag of SmartPop and a glass of red wine and get that jerk ex-boyfriend off her mind.
2) Friends/New Girl Re-runs (TBS) All Night
Like I said before, you can always count on Friends. Always. And if you are someone who often does, consider continuing on with New Girl; a wittier, up-to-date and more hipster version of Friends.
3) Harold and Kumar Escape (Comedy Central) 6:19pm ET
This is a recommendation for the weed smokers. They are already screwing with you by starting the movie at 6:19pm, which I like. I also need to believe that there is an actual human being who will spend their night getting high and watching Harold and Kumar on cable, commercials and all, instead of watching the Super Bowl. If that person exists and they are by some miracle reading this, please tweet me @tanyarayfox.
4) Marco Rubio Town Hall Meeting (CSPAN) 6:30pm ET
Perhaps you were planning on watching the Super Bowl ironically in some masochistic, emo attempt to ruin your own night. If so, this is a much better choice.
5) Kitten Bowl III (Hallmark Channel) 6:30pm ET
In the tradition of the original Puppy Bowl, there is now one for kittens. All of which are up for adoption. No one likes cats but everyone loves kittens. I dare you to watch this Kitten Bowl promo without losing your cool over the cuteness. In fact, if you flip between this and the next two suggestions long enough you could end up with all kinds of new pets by the end of the night.
6) Fish Bowl XXL (Wild TV) 6:30pm ET
Describe literally as "A Super Bowl alternative programming featuring footage of a goldfish." Hey if you hate the Super Bowl enough that you are willing to sit in alone to avoid it, I assume you aren't totally opposed to giving goldfish a shot at entertaining you.
7) Puppy Bowl XII (Animal Planet) 6pm ET
This year's game is being hailed as Ruff vs. Fluff, the rematch. There will also be a twenty-kitten halftime show. I highly recommend this.
8) Big (Discovery Family Channel) 7pm ET
Classic Tom Hanks has never - in the history of television-watching - been a bad choice. It's safe. It's reliable. It's Hanks.
9) Cheerleading: NCA All Star Triple Crown Championships (CBS Sports) 6:30pm ET
Because just because you hate football so much that you are willing to sit out the one football game of the year that is catered toward entertaining people who hate football doesn't mean that you don't like watching those who cheer those who play football.
Or something like that...
10) Cooking on Q (QVC) 7pm ET
"Cookware, gadgets, storage, cutlery and small appliances for the kichen."
This is the ultimate choice if you just want to zone out, possibly nap a couple of times and also start thinking about buying things you never knew you wanted and definitely don't need. It's the sit-at-home version of walking through a Sur La Table.
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