11 Reasons Why Patriots Fans Aren’t Being Sold Tickets To Sunday’s AFC Championship Game
Sunday's AFC Championship Game has more baggage than a Kardashian headed to the airport before a year-long study abroad program. Not only could this be the last time we see Tom Brady face off against his archrival, it could be the last time Peyton Manning ever plays the sport of football. A Broncos win would not only help Manning rewrite his legacy as a playoff chump, but it'd give him a chance to redeem himself after that embarrassing blowout in Super Bowl XLVIII. (It'd also serve as a much-needed distraction from all that incriminating evidence linking him to shipments of human growth hormone.)
For the Pats, a win would put the Brady-Belichick tandem in a position to win a record fifth Super Bowl. On a more sadistic level, however, delivering the blow that sends Peyton Manning tumbling to the retirement home would once and for all end the debate as to who was the better quarterback. (It'd also presumably feel really good to avenge their 26-16 loss to Denver in the 2013 AFC Championship Game.)
Suffice it to say that there's a lot riding on this thing, so it's no secret each team will be trying to get whatever edge they can by bending any and all rules that might contribute to their success. For the Broncos, that might mean keeping Pats fans out of Mile High Stadium...
[Denver Post] Tickets for the AFC championship game between the Denver Broncos and the New England Patriots game will go sale to the general public at noon Monday, the Broncos announced Sunday.
The game will take place at 1:05 p.m. Jan. 24 at Sports Authority Field at Mile High
Tickets will only be sold to those with a billing address in the Rocky Mountain region, including Colorado, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, South Dakota, Utah, western Kansas and Wyoming. Seats range from $100-$360 for reserved tickets and $375-$625 for club seats on ticketmaster.com.
Whether this is a violation of the NFL's rules or just slightly unethical -- or totally normal -- it hasn't deterred Patriots Nation from reacting exactly how you expect them to react any time their team isn't handed the Lombardi Trophy by a flock of cherubs. Via WEEI...
It’s just too bad they have so little self-respect that they’d violate basic rights, come out against free trade and probably violate federal laws about interstate commerce because they think they can’t shout down people 2,000 miles from home.
In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I just want to add I have a dream that someday we’ll live in a world where a man is judged not by the team jersey on his back, but by the content of his character.
Invoking Martin Luther King Jr. on MLK Day to make a point about the whitest team (and whitest fanbase) having their rights infringed upon? Nice work, Jerry Thorn. But in fairness to the Broncos sales department, there are plenty legitimate reasons to keep Pats fans away -- some of which have that have nothing to do with football.
Here are few...
11) Denver PD saves hundreds of thousands of dollars not having to conduct "Thick New England Accent Awareness Courses" so that officers can recognize when they're being insulted by a grandmother in a Mike Vrabel jersey.
10) Mysterious dark matter inside Tom Brady's footballs dissipates without constant negative energy emitted from entirely hostile crowd, makes them easier to grip.
9) Mass exodus of Pats fans to Colorado -- even for a weekend -- would destabilize Patriots bar-based economies of countless Massachusetts towns.
8) Local cafes simply cannot handle the cost of repairs when an angry mob of Patriots fans realize the coffee they just bought wasn't from Dunkin Donuts.
7) Stadium employees want to enjoy the game without the constant threat of having to break up a fight between two Patriots fans arguing over which of Tom Brady's various hairstyles God would want.
6) Not selling tickets to Patriots fans is really funny for fans of literally all 31 other teams.
5) Broncos fans didn't want to spend the week leading up to the game preparing comebacks for when they inevitably lose and a six-year-old Pats fan crushes their soul with a zinger.
4) Pats fans might wander into one of Colorado's many legal marijuana dispensaries, get high and chill out for once -- destroying the core characteristic of America's prized unlikeable fanbase.
3) The Airlines were like, "Whoa, not doing it. Fuck that shit. Those people are insane. We're not letting them onboard, sorry."
2) Denver's high altitude might have serious side effects for Pats fans who've spent their entire lives wading around below sea-level in a cranberry bog.
1) Broncos fans sick of having to explain rules of football to people who've been watching the NFL since 2001.
Be the first to know
Want FREE Fantasy and Gaming Advice and Savings Delivered to your Inbox? Sign up for our Newsletter.