12 Questions For Houston’s Super Bowl 51 Mascot
As is customary with Olympic Games, World Cups and Mucinex commercials, Super Bowl host cities infrequently poop out a silly little mascot to promote their product. Though they may just do it to keep their staff of graphic designers busy, it's likely done to persuade those of us still on the fence about tuning in.
"Eh, because all my friends were busy watching the game, I was thinking of organizing the furniture in my elderly aunt's basement on Sunday, but when I saw that cute football boy-thingy on the internet, my heart told me to turn it on."
That doesn't happen, right? Does it? I guess we'll find out next February, because the marketing geniuses behind Super Bowl 51 have unveiled their virtual spokesthing, "TD."
— Houston Super Bowl (@HouSuperBowl) January 15, 2016
Not to pick on you, TD -- because God knows you've seen your fair share of persecution growing up looking like this -- but I've got some questions.
- Are you a football? Here's why I ask: your helmet is shaped like a football, so I figured that was because your head was shaped like a football. Plus you have laces running down the middle of your face. No biggie if you are, just curious.
- Do you actually play football or do you just wear the pads/uniform for photo shoots? I assumed you played, but again, I'm trying to be thorough here. Forgive me if this seems like a silly question.
- If you are, in fact, a football...that plays football...I want to know what position you play! I figured it's not kicker, because that'd probably be weird for you. Lord knows I'd struggle with the moral implications of punting a human head!
- Is "TD" short for something? I figured it was short for "Touchdown," but that's one word, and the letters in abbreviations usually represent one word apiece. If it's your full name, how do you pronounce it? "Ted"? "Tid"? "Tud"? "Tee-dee"? Thanks.
- Cool shoes, where'd you get 'em?
- Will you root for the Texans if they somehow make it to Super Bowl 51?
- Who is your favorite player?
- What is your deepest, darkest secret? You can tell me -- I won't say anything.
- Have you seen this picture?
- Why do you even exist?
- Do you prefer the Super Bowl number represented with Arabic numerals or the more traditional Roman numerals? I like the Roman numerals, though I will say "Super Bowl LI" makes it sound like it's being held on Long Island and not Houston, Texas, so I understand using "51" instead.
- My final question isn't so much a question but a concern. That pointed helmet of yours -- that can't be legal, can it? It seems, like, unnecessarily dangerous. As much as you might not like hearing this, you should probably consider a different sport. Life is about compromise, and sometimes you've got to give up something you love because it can kill other people.
Well, that does it for my questions, little buddy. Thanks for taking the time to answer them! Now get back to planning for the big game...you've only got 350-ish days to prepare whatever cute little dance routine the NFL is making you do to soften their image as a heartless, greedy, duplicitous corporation. I hope you do a backflip!
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